Alternative Punishments

euryale​(sub female) • May 30, 2018

You've made some great points further up the thread Janet, but equating punishment with self harm and calling it abuse is pretty extreme. I want to make sure that I don't misunderstand your intent though. Are you suggesting that any consentual punishment for bad behavior is a cycle of self harm on the part of the sub and abuse by their dom/me?

SlothForce1​(dom male) • May 30, 2018

Impact play is fun, sure. But it's even more fun to have a conversation with your submissive and explore some ideas on what might be alternative forms of punishment. As in any relationship communication is always number 1, and the unwillingness to discuss alternative forms of punishment to better suit your situation is a red flag.

Some of my favorite alternative punishments revolve around Orgasm Control, controlling when, how, and how intense the orgasm is for my submissive. It's open ended so there's plenty of room for imagination and oh so fun teasing. Other punishments could incorporate teasing elements such as not being allowed to wear panties around the house for a specified time or having to wear something revealing. Although this normally involves an element of degradation and/or humiliation that some people might not be into. Like I said before, communication is always number 1 so if you come across a sir you are interested in be sure they are willing to talk things like this out with you.

I certainly hope your situation improves, it sounds like that "sir" wasn't really doing a whole lot for you.

DammitJanet​(sub female){NOT INTERE} • May 30, 2018

It can be, if you punish for bad behaviour when the sub enjoys the punishment, the Dom needs to re think what he or she is actually doing. I enjoy pain and punishment, so I ask for it as a reward, I wouldn’t want a Dom that dishes it out because I’m a brat, it becomes a vicious circle, the sub gets bored ( they’re getting what they want) and the relationship fails, then on to the next, then the next.

DammitJanet​(sub female){NOT INTERE} • May 30, 2018

Please don’t be offended at the reference to abuse and self harm, tattoos and piercings are self harm, manipulation is abuse, not all behaviour requires change, unless it’s having a negative effect on the person’s life. Not everyone being manipulated wants change either.

DotCom​(sub female){Not now} • May 30, 2018

[quote="SlothForce1"

I certainly hope your situation improves, it sounds like that "sir" wasn't really doing a whole lot for you.[/quote]

That is why I make my limitations clear before any type of play. It is about making intelligent decisions and protecting my everyone involved

euryale​(sub female) • May 31, 2018

I'm not offended, but I am sad and disappointed to hear those beliefs, which are frequently used to delegitimize bdsm relationships by vanilla people, from someone inside the community. And as someone who survived both severe partner abuse and severe self-harm, it will never be anything but painful to me personally to hear people calling things that are for me absolutely acts of self-love and care, self-harm and abuse.

I don't want to risk derailing the thread by delving too deeply into those topics, but if you would like to talk more about these topics I would happily speak with you over pm, you seem like a very intelligent woman, I've enjoyed reading your posts and blogs, and I think that we could both grow by sharing the experiences that brought ourselves to such conflicting viewpoints.

DammitJanet​(sub female){NOT INTERE} • May 31, 2018

Happy to chat anytime, I’m actually now involved in the development of an education tool with the psychologist (male Dom) which will put BDSM is a positive light, I maybe just look at it from a different point of view, and as you know, there are many.

DotCom​(sub female){Not now} • Jun 3, 2018

I do actually enjoy some physical punishment, but my body will not allow for too much of that....sadly. I had previously found myself coping the dictionary as punishment.

Alternative Punishments

1crazygirl​(sub female) • Jun 3, 2018

I always think our school teachers who when i was going to school new some of the best tricks for punishment....They were not allowed to physically touch us but had to punish....
1...Writing out 100/200/500 or so times "I WILL NOT etc..." whatever the offense happened to be....now back then sometimes you wrote it on the chalkboard sometimes on school lined paper out in nice penmanship....
2...Writing out in paragraph form the offensive and why you/the sub are apologizing and are learning from the mistake by having to write out why it would make Sir upset....
3...Having to spend a certain amount of time cleaning/washing down a big project like walls or cupboards...
4...Having to learn and either write or recite to the Sir on a topic of His choice one of His favorite hobbies...
5...You having to come up with your own punishment each time that would suit him.....

Personally my opinion is if he can't figure out a way to make it work he doesn't want it to work.
PEACE2U 1cg/1crazygirl/sarah

Delilah​(sub female) • Jun 22, 2018

Sounds like that "Dom" has a rather limited imagination.

My former master knew me very well and he could have hurt me as punishment because I hate extreme pain but he did something much, much worse.

He simply ignored me and did not allow me to touch him.

This usually lasted a day, maybe two at the most because he knew by the third day I would be begging and pleading to touch him and hear his voice.
I am very sensitive and hate disappointing so this worked very well on me.
Your mileage may vary