Edging vs Ruined Orgasm

Edging vs Ruined Orgasm

A Cloud​(sub female)​{Owned} • Jan 5, 2026

Please help me out. I would like to hear some explanations about what edging is, what a ruined orgasm is, and the differences between them.

Asking from the perspective of female submissive, but all notions are indeed welcome.

The more detail and context, the better.

Re: Edging vs Ruined Orgasm

nastyfkr​(dom male) • Jan 5, 2026

My take is like this, first define your "tipping point" where you go from the build up of orgasm to the orgasm itself beginning. It's this point that changes it from edging to ruined orgasm. Stopping just before the tipping point is edging, pushing over the edge but then suppressing the orgasm in some way is the ruined orgasm.
Many (most?) people will use some form of edging to extend the sensations and to build excitement prior to orgasm, in general though edging in the bdsm context is used when this is an instructed or controlled event. For instance you may be required to edge X number of times before you are allowed to cum, or it could be that you are denied orgasms for some period but can edge. This is usually used to build frustration and often desperation to cum.
Ruined orgasms can be used in a similar way to frustrate the sub and keep them craving a full orgasm. I'd consider the ruined orgasm is actually the crueler of the two but your milage may vary.

In both cases these are used as a form of control, a quintessential component of a lot of bdsm play. It can become the reward or punishment focus, or can simply be a fun thing to add spice to your play sessions. I hope this helps, I make no claim that these are the definitive definitions, simply my take.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 5, 2026

Edging= no orgasm at all. It's tease and denial, up to the edge of cumming- but you don't get to cum.

Ruined orgasm- you do have an orgasm, but in a non- enjoyable way, and usually not without some discomfort.

I personally prefer the first thing.

SubStanChill​(sub male) • Jan 6, 2026

Think of it like going out for ice cream. Edging is constantly tasting free samples but never actually getting to eat a full satisfying bite.

A ruined orgasm is like getting a full cup and eating it but it was unsweetened Frozen yogurt… yes, technically you’ve finished your ice cream full but the craving has not been satisfied. So you’re still thinking about the next trip to get ice cream.

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jan 6, 2026

Everyone's comments have been right on the mark. I'll give you a little perspective from my own experience.

My Dom actually used edging as part of her training me into full submission. Edging put me into a very weak & vulnerable position which made me almost beg to cum. While in the state of mind, I was willing to do anything she asked and she used that to her advantage. Over a period of time, my Dom was able use edging to make me agree to other things that has made me her 24/7 live-in naked sub - a lifestyle that I have lived for years.

My point is, when used properly, edging can be a wonderful part of play. The other side of the coin, ruined orgasms, can be detrimental and actually ruin a relationship is what I have heard from others. I have not experienced a ruined orgasm personally.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 6, 2026

A hot alternative to a "Ruined" orgasm, would be jerk-off instructions to the sub, but under humiliating circumstances, and with conditions: For example, (common suggestions) jerking off into the toilet bowl, and/or forcing the sub/slave to eat his own spunk afterwards. I am not really a fan of ruined orgasms, but am in favor using non-ruined/fulfilling orgasms as sort of a carrot-stick reward tactic as a conditioning tool.

A Cloud​(sub female)​{Owned} • Jan 6, 2026

Thanks for the responses. I will come back to this because I still have thoughts, questions and descriptions to pose.
I would love to hear from females as I wonder about the differing orgasm sensations in terms of edging/ruined orgasm, for example - just before (any spasming), start of spasming and stopping (but with no pain), building up again and again, several initiated orgasms vs full intense orgasms.
I mean the definitions don’t matter so much as understanding experiences and different scenarios.
There’s the added notion of doing it all solo under instruction vs in person play.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jan 6, 2026

I have a mildly different understanding of the discussion. I did look it up to ensure my understanding was fairly accurate.

Edging is dancing upon the edge of the orgasm, keeping you there and extending the pleasure until finally going over the edge. Tease, back off but don't stop, tease, wash, rinse, repeat, until you either give yourself the orgasm or your partner allows you to enjoy the orgasm and then it's just epic. Enhances the final moment.

Ruined orgasm brings you to the point of explosion and either stops all stimulation so that you don't blow, or the orgasm itself isn't satisfying as it just peters out. As alternate ending might also be continuing the stimulation beyond orgasm so it becomes painful.

I'm not a fan of the thought of ruined orgasms. I am acquainted with someone who, in a previous relationship, their partner had done this repeatedly to the point where they had a problem with orgasms. In most cases, it's used as orgasm denial.

Many I know who have enjoyed edging truly enjoy it. They keep right on that edge and may fall into a heady space and the orgasm winds up being mindblowing when it finally happens. In most cases of edging, the ultimate end state is a great orgasm.

Yes, there is also an edging ruined orgasm. As I have found out through reading, it's exactly as it sound

A Cloud​(sub female)​{Owned} • Jan 7, 2026

Okay, I believe I have a better understanding now. It took a while to process it all as it is seemingly not so easy to define and there are variations in understanding.

From what I interpreted, the major difference is in the intention and outcome moreso than the physical sensation (which is how I was interpreting it).

Ruined orgasm is not for me. We will stick with edging and all the variations within that.

Thanks a lot for everyone’s input. Here’s to orgasms and the full spectrum of pleasure ✨🫠