OK I really need to discuss this issue. I have an EXTREMELY high sex drive, but have zero dominance in my blood. I've always suffered alone with this, and I feel like this may be the place where I can find other subs like me. Do any of you get sad, depressed, and even royally pissed off if you don't get it like every single day? Do you have seemingly higher sex drives than your doms? Being a sub, and have zero interest in non monogamous relationships, I sometimes feel trapped in my own kink. I think I have literally watched every source of porn and erotica on the internet, and my dang toys are going to fall apart! Any advice from other subs suffering from the same condition?
When I met my now Sir, we were teenagers and fucked like rabbits. Our sex drives were a perfect match. Then we married and it went to shit. I was practically a nympho and he lost nearly all interest. Like you, there are serious mental and even physical consequences if I don’t get any. And masterbation does nothing for me, so that was only a last resort option and generally didn’t provide much relief. We don’t fight very often and when we do, this is usually why. About every 6 months or so I would just explode. It all came to a head, ironically enough, on our 20th anniversary. This past year....through D/s and S/m, we have reconnected and while his drive is still different than mine we have found a way for both of us to be satisfied. Takes compromise, exploring different options and a lot of communication.
Not that I want any of you to feel this but I am glad I'm not alone in this issue. To compound my issue I'm also doing a ldr, I try for some self relief and as you have all said, it's just not the same. Do you think masturbation is less satisfactory because we are in relationships where we feel this need should be met by our partners?
Enfield, I think we are needy and dependent upon our Dom's for our sexual satisfaction. I personally feel that once my body and mind get used to "more", less is never enough. I mean, we can't effectively choke ourselves to satisfaction, call ourselves dirty little whores, and spank our own asses, right? Its a need, a constant craving, and my concern for him is that I make him feel like he doesn't satisfy me. The truth is I've become so addicted to him that I want more and more!
I often liken us, as submissives, to addicts, with Dom/mes being our drug. I was discussing this very thing recently with a friend of mine, and we realised that a big part of the thrill for us is this feeling of needing more. Maybe it’s possible that you keep raising the bar of what you need because you enjoy the feeling of wanting (?)... just a thought.
I would agree. What they give us is a big endorphin hit (along with some adrenalin and other feel good hormones) and it feels good on a cellular level. Who doesn't want to feel good? We get used to the feeling and like most addicts want/need more to satisfy the craving.
I also think you make a solid point Pan Dora, that the neediness and reliance on our Dom/mes is part of what we want, it gives them another layer of control over us as well
This is not just a dom/sub thing. It is a part of what has ruined my (completely vanilla) marriage. And yes, it really hurts, and it's demoralizing. And it is really lonely. So much media attention focuses on the opposite problem, men begging their wives for sex (and then complaining if they only get it a couple times a week). It starts to feel like there is something really wrong with you, when it seems like you are the only woman whose husband doesn't want her. Actually, one of the best things I ever did was start searching the internet for it. It helped a little to realize I wasn't alone.
And of course taking care of things yourself is not the same (kinky or vanilla). I do, personally, but it took me quite a while to get there (and an extreme lack of intimacy). In my case, I don't think things can be explained purely by a difference in sex drive, although, like you, I could easily have sex every day. But I could probably "live with" a couple times a week, because it would be such an improvement over what I have now. Although, at this point, I'm not sure there is any going back. I've lived with it for 10 years. Redtailedkitty, you get my respect for hanging in there for 20 years. I'm glad you found a way to fix the problem. I'm sorry that I have no answers for you, Rychea. Just commiseration, I guess.
Honestly ladies, it just feels good to know I'm not alone in this. I have always considered myself weird, a freak, something wrong with me, and I've linked it to date rape when I was 13. I've demeaned myself over it for years. I studied psychology in college, and I get where it comes from, but I'm not so sure it wasn't there to begin with...its such a strong, ingrained urge. Never having another female to talk to about it (out of fear of what my friends would think of me) has taken a toll on my confidence. I appreciate just having this candid conversation with like minded women!