Putting it out there!!!

Putting it out there!!!

Master for all​(dom male) • Jan 5, 2017

In my normal day to day I'm a strong dominant man responsible for accounts and staff. I am however secretly a submissive and love nothing more than the thought of being a slave to a strong Dominant women. Why are they so hard to find ?

DrWakko • Jan 6, 2017

As a straight person your dating pool is about 50%*of the population (I am not accounting for gays, lesbians or other alternative lifestylers). Now when you add kink (Dom, sub, etc) you are looking about 1-3% of the population. If you are lucky and find yourself in  a place like New York City or San Francisco you might be closer to 10%. So if its 1% of the population is kinky in your area then its .5% of the population that would be female and cut that down even more when you are looking for a D or s type. And shrink the percent down even more for finding someone you are compatible with.

I suggest going to local munches and attending events at your local play space. Don't be discouraged and you will find someone over time.


DW


* I have no facts to back up any percentages mentioned above. I believe these percentages are close to accurate.

Villanelle​(staff) • Jan 6, 2017

This is a topic discussed a lot among my femdom friends.  A couple of things come to mind...

-most bdsm in the media represents the M/f dynamic.  Books, videos, seminars, educational events most often refer to the dominant as 'him' and the submissive as 'her'.  Because of this, many young or inexperienced women exploring their kinky interests automatically assume the sub role.  In time many discover they enjoy being dominant but initially never thought it was an option.  This is why representation and visibility is so important for female dominants.  It's also important for male submissives.  Consider being more open about your interests.  It doesn't mean you're less virile, powerful, or intelligent.  It just means you enjoy female power and isn't that sexy as hell? Besides, it might mean a female dominant approaches YOU.  It's hard to find you if you aren't visible.

-femdoms get trolled LOADS any time they are active online or in local communities.  For this reason some ladies are less forthcoming about their D/s orientation until they get to know you.   It's tiring getting constantly asked by strangers, "will you be my mistress?".  Yawn.

-I sadly have to say that threats and harassment are a large part of being visible as a female dominant.  I've been threatened, stalked, etc. just because of how I identify.  It's threatening to those who feel a powerful woman somehow threatens their manhood. Of course powerful, intelligent men (dom or sub) enjoy powerful, intelligent women (dom or sub) and are happy to encourage and support women however they choose to explore their sexuality.

-Communities are often glutted by pay for play scams which can be hard to sift through to find sincere individuals.  We're constantly working to remove trolls and scammers from THE CAGE.  We need your help with this so please report it to me or Assaf if you see someone trolling/promoting pay sites, etc.

I get how DrWacko came up with his estimated statistics.  I don't necessarily disagree with them on a surface level. But I don't think it's so much that female dominants are rare unicorns.  I think we're everywhere, but many have their reasons for being less visible while some perhaps lack the confidence to fully explore their desires.  I'm a big promoter of femdom and hope we'll get a nice balance of male and female dominants in this community.

Master for all​(dom male) • Jan 6, 2017

Both make sense, I guess I never really thought about the possibility that Dom females get trolled. Some real idiots out there. Will take both of your advice and see what happens 

NatalieAdam • Jan 6, 2017

I was just lucky enough to find someone I liked and our kink grew together. As said above it's probably that femdom is not as openly talked about because of narrow minded people

DrWakko • Jan 6, 2017

I agree with Evangeline, but it has nothing to do with what side of the slash you are on. It has to do with being female. My girl has a profile on another site that says she is a submissive and owned and even say that all shes looking for is another female. Guys will still message her asking her to submit to them, some ask that she Top them or even want to serve her. 

If all you got was people looking for sex all the time it would stop you from joining sites and getting involved. 

Master for all​(dom male) • Jan 6, 2017

I guess that's the problem with these sites. Lots of men looking for a easy lay. There's a hell of all more enjoyment to be had than just sex out there I know that much. 

Absolutely Agree!

Sassygirl​(sub female){No} • Jan 8, 2017

I agree completely.  I found it funny that on a site I joined my profile stated very clearly. ...Friendship First...... Yet nearly all the responses I got were from Doms who wanted to Dom me and have a play session. Right then and there. They did not care one iota about me or who I was. All they wanted was some female to get off to. 

Master for all​(dom male) • Jan 8, 2017

I try to always message first or like a picture or comment. Its very easy though to come across in the wrong way on a site that is very sexual oriented. 

It seems difficult in general to meet people

Misdee​(dom female) • Jan 11, 2017

  I identify myself as a D female. There are so many men that  contact me wanting all sorts of different things.  I have found it  difficult to respond individually to them. Most of all it seems that there are a good percentage that are not what I am looking for.  I like to know a person before getting too involved. Yes sometimes it is fun to enjoy occasional  things online but serious sharing is important too.