The "Realities" of a D/s (broad based) relationship - Not written by me

The "Realities" of a D/s (broad based) relationshi

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Sep 16, 2018

** Note: this was written by @theRedLife on Fet a 45 M Dom**

... I really wanted to share this post (and was given permission), I did share on my Blog (but it was my first blog) . I feel this is a Wonderful Post and now wanted to share on the forum. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. This is not my opinion or writing, but i do agree with it. I post only to share, comments are welcome, just like #7 below, you may not be "your" thing or agree, but we are all entitled to our opinions... no judgments please.. just hoping for maybe some insight, healthy conversations etc.

@theRedLife wrote:

TITLE : Is this a Game to You? If so, Don't Read This

This lifestyle is an amazing one that can give you so much more than you can ever imagine. But it all depends on how you approach it, and if you can find a way to sort through the fantasies vs realities.

There's nothing wrong with fantasy. Many of us start off simply exploring some sort of fantasy, and that's fine. For many, it remains a fantasy... a sort of role playing game that is used to "spice up" the bedroom. Again, that's fine too.

However, if this is just a fantasy role playing game, you can stop here and move on to another post. Seriously, if you are role playing, then the realities don't apply. No more than the rules of a doctor / patient relationship would apply in a doctor / patient role playing situation. I mean, the doctor is not going to fuck the patient while prescribing a shot of cum as the treatment. So in that situation, realities of the roles are meaningless.

However, if this is real to you, there are some realities you need to be aware of. Some items are universal, despite the role you identify as. Some are more specific to the roles. And these realities can make or break your experience in this lifestyle.

Reality # 1
Everyone involved in this are human. Yes, even the kinkiest bastard you know is still human. As a human, they will make mistakes, they will need love and they deserve some level of respect. The role doesn't matter... even the "lowliest" of slaves still require respect, and they should get it.

Reality # 2
All power resides at the bottom. Doms/Masters... you need to understand that you do not own the power... the sub/slave owns that. They are merely allowing you to borrow that power. As such, there should be a level of respect and value placed with that sub/slave if you want to keep control over that power. At any time, no matter the level of surrender they have offered, they can decide to take back that power and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. So you better work your ass off to ensure you are worthy of the power you are entrusted with.

Reality # 3
All power resides at the bottom. Yes, I am repeating myself... Subs/slaves... You own your power. It is by choice that you offer it to the top side so that you can enjoy the exchange of power and feel fulfilled. But if you are in a situation or relationship where that power is being abused or mistreated, you have every right to take that power back. And no, you don't have to wait for your top type to "release" you... Actual slavery was abolished long ago, so your slavery is completely voluntary. You can end it without the Master's say so.

Reality # 4
Trust fucking matters. I may not need to say this, but subs/slaves often times literally trust their lives to the Dom/Master. Some of the shit we participate in could easily end someone's life, or at least alter it in an unpleasant way. Alternately, when Doms/Masters do some of the things we do to the bottom type, there has to be trust that the bottom is providing honest feedback so we don't go too far, or worse, that the bottom type doesn't take the residual marks down to the police station and press charges. So there has to be a level of trust on all sides... So do everything within your power to build trust.

Reality # 5
Without honesty, trust is not possible. Think about that... if you are not being honest with someone, how can they trust you. But that extends well beyond just that relationship. For example... are you married but hiding your kink relationships? I am not judging, but keep in mind that the ones you are involved in know that you are lying to someone. Its not a far stretch to begin to wonder if you are lying to them too. So in all you do, be as honest as possible with everyone you deal with... including yourself.

Reality # 6
This is not a drive thru menu. You did not just pull up to the Kink Drive Thru Restaurant in your old beater to place an order for a #4 combo meal. Posting ads like "hey, looking for some hot chick to choke on my cock tonight - NSA" while having no information on your own profile is generally not going to work out for you. The same would apply to generic, unsolicited emails telling the recipient what they will or will not do for you. Not if you want something real. (Again, if this is a fantasy, you should have stopped reading some time ago.)

Reality # 7
YKINMK (your kink is not my kink) - basically, you don't have to like, agree with or even understand someone else's kink. But don't judge them for it. Find the person/people that share the same desires, and as long as you have the other realities covered, enjoy! But remember, hard limits are hard limits, so don't violate that - even if you are the Master to a slave that has sworn absolute service to you. If you know its a limit, don't fucking go there... its the fastest way to lose that devoted person.

Reality # 8
There is no OTW - One Twue Way
Everyone will have their thoughts on protocols, labels, roles, ect. What works for you may not work for others, and what works for others may not work for you. Even in this post, there is no OTW. Yes, there are some realities you need to understand, but you can also be role playing and thus they do not apply. There's always an exception.

*** A special thanks again to @theRedLife on Fet a 45 M Dom for this post

DomInHawaii​(dom male) • Sep 17, 2018

This is true on so many levels. Trust is essential. Honesty is not just a goal to aim for - (and if you hit it 8 out of 10 times you are doing good I say sarcastically) - honesty has to be a part of you just like breathing is a part of you - you don't think about it, you don't wonder about it - you just do it.
The last thing I want to do is invest a lot of time learning about someone, then meet that person and feel like I am talking with a stranger because everything they told me during that "get to know each other" phase was made up by them to make themselves sound more attractive.

Bunnie • Sep 17, 2018

Completely agree @ DIHawaii. It’s always so beneficial @ Morley, to find writing that resonates with you. I’ve found that a lot of what I’ve felt or experienced, has been felt or experienced by someone before me, and it can really help to see it in words in front of you... just to help clarify things and make sense of it all. I’m glad you’ve found that, and appreciate you sharing it with us

HisSecretSub​(sub female) • Sep 18, 2018

I love all of these

Boredsilly​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2018

So well written and so well said. W/we agree and then some. Thank you for posting for everyone to read.

JavaSdist​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2018

In the end all the realities, from 1 - 7 got overwritten by number 8.