In a monogamous relationship
Curled up naked ‘neath a blanket around my home somewhere - just reading, writing, gaming. That’s where you’ll find me most days. Scribbling down erotic fantasies, disappearing into worlds. Immersed in stories. Or just enjoying a coffee or peppermint tea whilst listening to the rain or quietness of the Melbourne suburbs.
I chose Primal Self because that felt right. It’s near and dear to my heart. When someone, in the beginning of my journey into BDSM and kink, pointed out my characteristics, suddenly the years of running naked and masturbating during storms made sense.
Somewhere, amidst me being drawn to TPE and degradation and CNC and other deliciously dark fantasies I realized I was drawn to being animalistic. To being out in the storm naked, to running through the forest naked, to growling and biting and being free of that past where I was raised strict and Catholic.
I can tell you that l see being primal as a pact to myself. To be open to myself and to others. To challenge this anxiety within me. It’s become a lifestyle choice in a way - to be my truest self. Not to be an ass or anything but to be present and not trapped by my own self doubt. To live, not exist.
The other side of this, well. I’m drawn to being an owner. To exploring the light - sitting on the couch watching our favorite shows, her collared and leashed and by my side or feet, me leash in hand — and then the dark. The predator and prey. The unquenchable need to chase, heart in my throat, wind whipping my legs. Wanting to tear her pretty clothes to shreds so I can hear that satisfying RIPPING SOUND in my mind. Ye Gods, I want it so bad my heart races.
It’s so much, a mix of soft and tender and rough and dirty.
Beyond that, I’m introverted. I’m shy. I’m an avid gamer, movie buff and music fan. I’m in my natural space with good book or a favorite movie or naked out under a storm. I love theme parks and psychology and coffee and random drives, ever romanticized by the road and adventure.
If you’d like to chat, please do not hesitate writing me. You are welcome to!
I’ve been exploring this lifestyle and my own dominance since my teens - but it wouldn’t be until my mid twenties that I gained the confidence to dive into the deep end. I was terrified, you see, of my fantasies I didn’t understand, of exploring what my sadistic gleeful streak and dark fantasies might mean. I was terrified of starting my life again after feeling like I just got it together.
I eventually did reboot my life. I started fresh. BDSM - as utterly fucking amazing and sensual and beautiful as it is, it has been healing for me. Spiritual for me. I found confidence through accepting my dominance. I found peace through domination. I learned that I need to control, that I needed that D/s dynamic to bring me balance and peace. That I find harnessing my own personality with a submissive personality is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
To me, as a dominant, exploring this side of someone - this raw, vulnerable and intimate side of someone’s mind. To learn to trust and to be trusted and then to explore these other aspects of our mind, through a scene or dynamic, is incredible. Intoxicating. Mesmerising.
More importantly, I found a way to merge the restless, drooling animalistic beast within me with the other guy - the movie buff guy. The guy who likes to wrestle pugs and laughs at strange jokes.
I found balance through BDSM. I found a way to accept being Dominant, to accept that startling rape fantasy without feeling like I need to be locked up. I mean, I have dark, dark thoughts. And I reconciled with them through writing, meditation and oh yes - wild, breathless, sex.
Don’t hesitate if you’d like to chat, I’m always open to meet new people, no matter the dynamic! It’s something I cherish about this community - discussion.
== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Owner
100% Dominant
100% Master/Mistress
100% Primal (Hunter)
99% Voyeur
99% Degrader
99% Sadist
98% Exhibitionist
96% Rigger
96% Daddy/Mommy
51% Brat tamer
51% Experimentalist
16% Ageplayer
4% Masochist
2% Vanilla
2% Slave
2% Degradee
1% Brat
1% Primal (Prey)
1% Non-monogamist
1% Pet
0% Rope bunny
0% Boy/Girl
0% Submissive
0% Switch
I’ve been exploring my Master side - what it means for me personally.