Hi :)
I'm Owen and I love lists and sorting systems.
Summary:
I do video game direction/art/writing (mostly the second, though) freelance, very near to figuring it out as a long-term career via releasing an indie game (fingers crossed it's decent). The vast majority of my free time is spent on art or writing or reading or Google Earth (agh), though I'm currently trying to learn Swedish (A1 level right now, maaaybe A2). I'm based in Oregon but am planning on relocating one way or another, so it may as well be for love.
I'm looking for something that starts out online and then moves to in-person once we're comfortable (unless you're local to the PNW). I have no problems with completely foregoing sexual conversation entirely, in fact, that's preferable as long as it's discussed early on what type of dynamic we're both interested in. My dream, though it's expanded on below, is a reasonable, healthy FLR (I would say TPE but the common understanding of that term applies imo an unrealistic amount of responsibility to the domme, though I'm more than open to a conversation on that) that just so happens to be very, very kinky on the side. I don't consider submission to be a "fetish" for me, as in, I would like to be a deferring, doting husband in a nonsexual manner (and intensely subservient in a sexual context and internally). Anyways. Long form time.
Yes I realize it's crazy work to have a table of contents in here LOL
-Table of Contents-
-Practical Information-
Physiological
Spatial
Financial
Ambitions/Career
-My Personality :')-
-Interests and Hobbies (Nonsexual)-
-Relationship Goals (Nonsexual)-
-Practical Information-
Physiological
I'm 5'6'' [170cm], and 120lbs [54.4kg], so definitely on the smaller side. I'm quite happy with my height, makes me nice and portable, but I'd like to be at least 125lbs and a little more toned (though open to developing a more muscular physique if desired). Don't have any interest in steroids. I need a better butt, though, so lots of squats are in my future. I'm not a sweet-tooth and don't buy sugary foods aside from breads/carbohydrates. I don't drink alcohol, energy drinks, soda, coffee, or tea (water and milk for me, a little mango juice if I'm treating myself) (I've had maybe three alcoholic beverages in my life total). I don't smoke cigarettes, no hard drugs. I think weed is fun, but I haven't had any in a couple years. I go on morning walks weather, and time permitting (I live on a street with no sidewalks so avoid walking unless it's early in the day, I'm no good to a domme if I'm a pancake on the side of the road). Could stand to exercise more, running out of time for that, hah. My most major medical issues are weak ankles (hence the walking, and loving shoes/boots that go up over the ankle itself) and occasional tendonitis of the wrists. Despite being diagnosed ADHD-inattentive, I'm a very low energy person. That may be a medical issue, but I live a pretty tempered, methodical lifestyle, so it's not been problematic for me.
Spatial
I'm originally from northern California (the rural north, not San Fran), spent most of my childhood in the Redding area and my teens in the Grass Valley area. Most of the towns here are in the 40k-60k range, so I grew up in some pretty quiet spots. I'm currently in the Portland metropolitan region, so it's a bit of a step-up, no London per-se but it's definitely not easy to find a hidey hole where no one will intrude. I care more about quietude than nature, so as long as the walls are thick enough I don't mind (I'm claustrophilic). The more important question for me is temperature. I'm more than comfortable with being the necessary relocation (I'm your possession, more on that later), but I really do not excel above 90F/30C (I start getting headaches right around then). Extreme cold doesn't bother me nearly as much, I'd be far more comfortable in Minnesota than I would be in Italy. Growing up in Redding CA (all-time daily high of 120F) soured me on the fantasy of "summertime", lol. I'd prefer to live somewhere cold or at least coastal. Ideally English-speaking (though I'm currently teaching myself Swedish) unless you're really interested in responsibility (though I'd learn whatever you speak natively if it's not English).
Financial
I work in the creative industry, lol.
That said, I have 15k in a Roth IRA. My job is a little complicated - myself and my dev partner got funding a few years ago to make our first proper commercial game, and we're less than a year from finishing it (I'd link but I don't believe that that's allowed on here). It's been a big learning experience.. but it's my career and I'm very confident in it/in myself.
For income right now on the side, I do freelance pixel art. I typically get $30/hr, but if we weren't in a dark ages for gaming, it'd be $40. I'd like to make writing and traditional/digital art avenues for income, but that hasn't come to fruition yet.
Outside of what I have, my approach to finance is that I live within my means and budget properly. I try to keep the stuff that I do have in tip top shape, focus on buying quality first rather than cheap out and buy twice later, prioritize purchases based on what I use more, and don't eat takeout unless I absolutely have to (so, almost never). I have a long list of things I'd like to acquire once I have a few thousand to spend for fun, of course.
Ambitions/Career
The dev studio that I "own" (on paper I'm the only employee) I would very much like to grow into a full business. The games industry is a very slow, risky, progression-based sort of endeavor, in that it's very difficult to collect resources until you've released a project, but releasing a project without resources is near impossible. So, this first project of ours is very much the "proof of value" that I've invested most of the last four (oof) years with the intent of using to springboard more lucrative projects (namely, the next game, which I would love to talk about since the fun part is the creative side, not the business side). I decided pretty early that I was going to forego wealth for passion, but I think that a true, determined passion for that pursuit usually ends up in a stable financial situation anyways since you're aiming for excellence in something you've already sacrificed significantly for.
I would like to be a much better artist in general, though. I hold huge, huge respect for anyone that's at the top of their field/craft/expertise, and I've always believed that reaching the full potential of an effort is the point of any and all work, so internally I have a sort of satisfying obligation to perfection. I'm not a workaholic, at all, in fact I'm rather laid-back, but when it comes to the work that I do, and what I present to others as representative of myself, I am very adamant about displaying something that is up to my own standards of quality. I get and keep jobs by the quality of my work and being as polite and friendly as I can, not by the speed that I do things :'). In artistic fields, the difference is appreciated and sought-after. On the other hand, I would be a fucking TERRIBLE lumberjack.
Personality
Hm.. quiet, first of all. If I don't have something to say, I don't talk. I'm much more vocal over text than speech, strangely, but I think that's because I enjoy longwinded discussions as long as there's information learned or information contested. Small talk isn't my thing (but I don't feel I struggle with any social interactions, to be clear). After that, authentic. I try hard to show people what I'm really thinking, and if what I'm thinking is something I'm hesitant to say, then I reassess it. I had a stutter as a kid, so "think before you speak" was fairly deeply engrained, lol. I'm very bad at lying, I can't stop myself from giggling. My core principles mostly boil down to acknowledging that life is very cruel, but that remaining optimistic is an obligation I have both to the health of myself, and the health of those around me. I think love is more important than money (kind of a mandatory first step to being an artist professionally, unfortunately). I think all creatures deserve respect, from the moment of their being (as such, I don't like making fun of others and am not really a banterer). I think stagnation of emotional development is dangerous, so if there's a situation that bothers me, I try to always consider it in the current, relevant context, rather than huddling up in a "this is the way I am" sort of excuse. I try to be aware of my own tendencies, and change any problematic ones as I identify their dilemma. I consider it a requirement on a nigh-spiritual level for me to always be maturing/growing, but not to over-do that and harm others? IDK, it's just sort of a demand for excellence that I expect of myself in terms of ego. I want to be good, and good to others, and so I run basically every behavior/thought I have through that gate to process it.
Interests and Hobbies (Nonsexual)
I absolutely love video games. I think that's kind of developed a negative connotation over the years, but I want to clarify that I like singleplayer, artistically-inclined games, not competitive multiplayer stuff (I more or less stopped playing those entirely in the last year). I consider video games to be at the same level of media as films or books (certainly similar amounts of work). I have a big spreadsheet with reviews of games I've played and beaten in the last 4 years :D (I write up them up for my own referencing later if I'm discussing the game in question). Game systems and writing are probably my foremost interests in the video game context, but I'd say worldbuilding/concepting I enjoy more in a broader sense.
But games don't dominate my time (usually, if there's something I really like I'll play that a fair bit). I'm pretty busy working (which, since it's on games, never really seems like work) or developing art/writing skills, if I've got decent control of myself that day. Short stories, drawings, tabletop games, concepting for future projects.. I'm guilty of not finishing projects frequently, but there's been a very strong desire to break away from that bad habit as I get older and need to have larger proofs of achievement in order to progress, so that's been driving me forward as of late.
I'm very partial to dreamy aesthetics, dark or light. Cosmic horror, cyberpunk, dark fantasy, Westerns, and sci fi. General horror I've taken more and more of a liking to, but that's kind of a secondary element I think, like a tonal component you add onto an existing thematic.
Reading (usually non-fiction), fashion, photography, basketball, hockey, and adding to my big reference library via history/geography research probably round out the most common activities. I spend maybe.. 20 minutes on Google Earth a day :p. You'll notice a lot of my interests are pretty indoorsy, and they are, but I do like to go out and go to quiet places when possible. Bustling environments aren't super comfortable for me. I'm definitely an introvert. Locking me into a study with art supplies and some music would be something of a blessing, not a punishment, lol.
Relationship Goals (Nonsexual)
I'd like something very long-term. At minimum the end of my life.
No kids. I'm very interested in devoting myself to a single person, and I, if I can admit a weakness, really do need to feel like I'm the most important person to someone else. That's getting into more personal territory than I want on a personals ad (ironic...), but I have to be your number one favorite, so I can't do polyamory. I want my partner to be my favorite person in turn, and someone that I feel comfortable around and with at all times. Someone that I smile when I think about, that I run to when I need help, that I think about when they're not around, and that will expect me to be the same for them in reverse. I want someone that I can help, and that wants my help, in the ways that I can give it. I want to be responsible for exciting and impressing my partner, and to use that as motivation to keep growing.
More tangible things - I want to cuddle and watch movies. I've been saving a list of movies for when I have a partner to watch them with - it's like, 5 years old and pretty long. I want to write up custom DnD campaigns that are meant to be played by 1 person, so that we can adventure in them together and I can tell stories to the one person I want to listen. I want to get a chilly in the winter and scoot a little closer so I can warm up on her soft sweater. Minecraft, probably. Dress up in cool clothes and go take pictures of each other in front of the abandoned farmhouse. Go thrifting for boots. Go grocery shopping at midnight and buy produce we know we'll forget to use. Massage her any time my hands are free. Go to the library together and poke each other to see if they accidentally yelp. Talk each other out of buying silly luxury items. Be quiet with each other after a long day. Save half of a cookie for. Spend a week learning a new skill so we can do that thing she was starry-eyed about.
My understanding of Submission
I think this is a category worth mentioning because BDSM is a very disbalanced dynamic when it comes to responsibilities in a relationship if that relationship doesn't have a wealth of pre-arranged context set up for it. The dominant is.. massively burdened. Emotional and physical responsibilities way beyond what a traditional relationship would have. I think that is part of the allure/fun, so it's forgivable for me (as a partner that wants the best for my partner) to "allow" them to burden themselves that much at my expense (as the receiving end of the dynamic), but that's something that has to be communicated and monitored and such. It's really not possible for someone to be "dominant" at all times (under the common understanding of the word), nor is it healthy, imo. Everyone needs to be given a breather and to be taken care of. I think the balance of what's needed is dependent on the individual relationship and so, that's something I'd want to discuss with a partner pretty thoroughly. Online stuff makes it relatively easy, since you can just tap-in/tap-out based on interaction, but in-person it's very much necessary for me to feel like I'm not abusing my partner.
That's not to say that someone can't be "always on", nor that dominance can't be a core trait/way of life, but that's something I need to trust someone to have before I can operate on them being true. TLDR; communication.
There's also the whole "oh so you're submissive? we're moving to Bali" sort of questions that arise, and I think that those are important to work out early. Domination/submission that's meaningful only really occurs if the goals of the two are more or less aligned, imo.
I think there's a lot more to say on that subject, but trying to keep this to a paragraph or two per category :> Please ask me more if you'd like, by all means.
Kinks (Sexual)
I adore warmth, pressure, seduction, restraint, and helplessness. Those are kind of broad, but they inform the majority of the kinks that I'm into - praise, bondage, mummification, hypnosis, ritualism, brainwashing, sensory deprivation, collaring, TPE, roleplay, alternative forms of control (lifestyle; bedtimes, outfits), I LOVE cuddling so so much, being groped/caressed (physical touch is my "love language", though I don't subscribe to love languages since any relationship should have all of them), extreme exclusivity, some types of CNC, chastity, caging, some parts of petplay (I really don't care to act like an animal, though), and some others that I won't mention here.
I'm not a physical masochist (I'm very sensitive to pain, for better or for worse). I'm not an exhibitionist and I don't really care to be aroused around people that I'm not romantic with, so though I find kink communities interesting sometimes for the fashion appeal, I am not interested in playing with others.
Relationship Goals (Really Sexual)
We obviously would have to start online seeing as this is being posted on Reddit, but I'd like it to be an in-person relationship that lasts permanently. My understanding of... relationships is perhaps what originally drew me to BDSM. I find that the acceptance people have for "fluctuation" in life, and especially in commitment, to be a sad resignation to the cruelty of the world, and I don't agree with it. I want a deep, committed, inseparable bond with someone. I want that intensity. I want to PLAN ahead of time, work with someone to share our weaknesses and strengths, enrich ourselves, and find ways to deal with problems that we're going to come across. I... struggle to understand, or at least I refuse to rationalize, the idea that my favorite person in the world would lose interest in me. And I can't imagine doing that to someone else. It leads into a discussion about how I understand people, since people do change and I'm not blind to that - but there is, in the bond that we form with someone as an escape to the horrifying realities of life, an obligation for me to be that sanctuary from chaos. That in our love for each other, we can find some safety from the endless instability of the universe. It's dramatic, it's dreamy, whatever, I don't care. I want someone that wants to be intensely in love with me and I want to be intensely in love with them forever. If we go through quiet periods, that's totally fine, I'm not ever leaving their side. The Sun doesn't just go away when it's dark or when it rains. There are some things that must be held onto at all costs. ;-;
That went on a tangent, I'm sorry.
I'd like to be owned, but not in a superiority sense. A partner that happens to lead, like a horse and the rider. My personal projects/work/artistic outlets are what I spend my productive time doing (aside from household obligations) and those make sufficiently pleasing income, that would then be handled by my partner. I loathe to call it findom, because that's something I could do right now and isn't a responsibility (typically), it's a service - I wouldn't want to give TPE, or findom, to my partner until we were very deep in the relationship (upon marriage, then that's a done deal, and that's everything I'd have to give). I enjoy coming up with unique ideas for submission, like a wardrobe of collars with individual "modifiers", that could be used selectively for fun and pleasure (like one for speech inhibition, another for character roleplay, another for obedience, etc.).
I like the idea of total exclusivity, or being shut off from outside social spaces. It sounds problematic, and in the vast majority of cases it would be - I grew up moving constantly, though. I supplied my own support system, my own fun. I maintain a very, very small circle of close social support not because I'm hurting, but because I developed systems for dealing with things by myself. It's a longwinded story, but, in short, if you want someone that's quiet, keeps close by you, isn't interested in others, that's a plus. :)
Hi! Welcome to the bottom of the page. I'm very appreciative of you reading all of that. I hope you got the information you were looking for - if you spent time reading and weren't interested, I'm really sorry :'( I hope you happen to gain the time lost back somewhere else. Please, if you got this far, mention the word "blueberry" to me to indicate so. :D
I'm really verbose since I think it's.. fun and healthy to be communicative, so feel free to ask any questions or for clarification further in any area! Thank you so much. I hope your week goes well :)