Ive forgotten how to feel sexy.
Or maybe i never really had it.
I often feel shy and awkward. I hate though that i struggle to feel sexy or desireable when I am single. When i have someone's attention however i seem to automatically switch on and its so stupid. Its kind of in reverse. I should be feeling sexy and flaunting it when im single..... right???
I really have no idea. But i do know i struggle with the idea of being perceived as desireable. I always have. Im sure that it has to do with the fact i have grown up with mostly male influences. And i consider myself to be a Tom Boy. As im good at sports, competitive and can work on my own car. I can kick it with the boys no problem.
I recently had someone say they thought i was the most feminine person they have ever met. I laughed so hard. But he continued to say that due to being in a male dominated environment i have not been given the permission to be the feminine creature they saw. And that permission needs to come from myself. To allow myself to be vulnerable in that form. I have been thinking of that of late and I feel there is a bit of truth to those words. That given the ability to let go and flourish in the safety of someones affections i tend to melt like butter. So now to figure out how to turn on my inner Lioness. Not to be promiscuous but rather to feel confident in my own skin.