Why do we love what is bad for us. Our mind tell us its no good but our hearts ache for it and our body screams for it.
What if the IT is a person. When there are mental conflicts with what we would ideally accept from someone, yet our heart can't stop reaching out. When you don't trust yourself to be able to physically restrain yourself from their touch. That is not normal for me. To be affected physically and emotionally by someone. To let someone in to my vulnerable place.
You crave the taste of their lips and the force of their hand, yet they have tendencies that you mentally hate. Is it ok to give up on some of those things because our heart and body tells us so?
For me that is a hard concept. Im ruled equally by the head and the heart so when they conflict I end up at a standstill. But yet my heart makes me engage with them. Want his attention. Want his words. So is my head wrong? Ive given it time but the effect is still the same.
When we both confess that we scare eachother because the connection we have is strong. It makes us act differently, we have both said so. There is history, familiarity, trust and love. Under my skin and in my heart but my head still says no. Usually my head wins.
No more fighting, more flow. No more expectations, just acceptance. No more wishful thinking but rather active living. Its ok to dream but not to the point it destroys you. Looking up, reaching out and living presently. And trust. Trusting that my life will take its direction, trust in the opportunities that arrive at my feet will lead me and trust of myself to make the right decisions whether they are made from the heart or the head. To not punish myself when things don't go to plan. To love and enjoy the things I shouldnt lol.
My future plans for now involves no-one. To make plans and adventures for my soul. See where it takes me and who it leads me to. Not planning on leading away from people but rather towards myself. So if my head still struggles (which it will) I will just take things slow. Let the breeze shift me ever so slightly and enjoy. Trust in my wants, trust in my thoughts and rationalism. Lead with the heart.
