As I woke this morning I felt happy but slightly empty. How can you be both happy and empty? Well not empty but lonely. Yet again I am surrounded by people and have regular contact with friends. I receive love and yet I still feel the same. How? I know how? Because a large part of me is missing. No not the person, although I miss him dearly. I am not that much of a sap. It is the submission I miss. The giving. Not sexually but mentally and emotionally. The feeling of belonging completely to someone who cherishes my gift. So it leaves me feeling lost and a little lonely. Drifting through my day without a purpose. Yes I have other important things to do but they do not satisfy my need.
This is not an invitation for people to try and own me. Because that is not going to happen. I don't need you to satisfy my sexual needs. I have that already. It is more the realization of what submission means to me. It is more than my kinky thoughts. It is the feelings deep inside that becomes satisfied by giving all of myself to someone. And belonging. Finding that safe place. Feeling the strength of another both mentally, emotionally and yes eventually physically. For them to see and discover who I really am and help to pull me out of myself. Because in RL I hide who I am and it is exhausting but necessary.
I desire to find how much I can give (because I have an idea). To find my person to whom I belong and in return they belong to me. The dominant is just as much a gift to me as I am to them. So I continue on my day, trying to stay distracted from my inner thoughts and yearnings. Because right now they are unattainable until i sort out my life....... baby steps
