We have all heard of ghosting, when someone just completely vanishes from the face of the Earth, with no explination or even realisation that there is issues.
Zombies is a new term to me but i love it. A zombie is when that ghost resurrects from the dead. Usually with a very simple "Hi" or similar. No explination or apology is generally offered. They just expect you to accept they have returned. So below is a few things I've learnt about these species.
* They generally return for their own selfish reasons and rarely to apologise for ghosting you or acknowledge that they did something wrong. - "I can't stop thinking about you, now i know how you felt"..... hmmm no, no you dont. Emotional manipulation used to work on me but not anymore.
* They return because they are lonely and they live with the fantasy of what was great with you and want that feeling back.
* You have every right to kick them in the head. Kill that zombie and dont look back. Dont give them the power over you ant longer.
* Their shitty actions can actually help you see their true colours and the vale of fantasy is lifted. Also by returning it can give you closure, where you realise that person is not what you want. If they cared for you they would have been an adult in the first place and said so instead of just leaving.
* It can help you release any left over perceptions - years after i was ghosted i would still think of him and wished to know how he was and if he would be proud of who i had become. Truth is he is not privileged enough to receive any information on who i am now and his approval is not requured.
* They dont respect you. If they did they would not have treated you this way. It is also not love in any shape or form.
The truth is they will lie, manipulate and possibly even become angry and defensive with you once they see they no longer have a power over you. They will try to twist things to make you feel guilty. "I left because you .........." or "You made me ........." the excuses are endless and really again not required. What is the point of going through a break up conversation years after he left. It is for his own justification. His own ego.
What you do need to know is that YOU ARE not too much.
YOU ARE beautiful.
YOU ARE strong and courageous for opening yourself up to love and possibility.
YOU ARE NOT weak in any shape or form. Wanting love is not weakness. They are not worthy of your love and affection any longer.
Set boundaries.
Give love to yourself. And dont allow the manipulative, argumentative voice of blame and guilt affect you...... because it simply isnt true.
It is them who need to face their actions, it was their choice to act as they did, they are the weak and cowardly for not being able to express themselves. For not having the decentsy and respect to say that things arent working.
Im grateful for the complete opportunity for 100% closure on him and on my past. It has helped me see just how far I have become.
So farewell to my ghost. You will haunt me no longer.......
