My needs
My wants
My desires
They are all different yet somehow the same. All linked. If one is off they all follow. I find myself yearning for things of my past and also for new experiences. And to be honest it surprises and scares me. It pushes me into a hole and i keep finding myself having to claw my way out. Why? Because I am too stubborn to let people help me.
I close off. Say i can do it myself. Then pout when I'm lonely and fall deeper. Its a stupid process i seem to do often. Only the very strong and just as stubborn i find break their way through.
I'd like to think i am kind and caring, always giving. I am when it means helping others. Not so much when it means opening myself up. So on the outside it might be perceived as pretty and perfect but it is far from it.
I find connection with people easily. The hard part is showing them who i really am. Maybe out of fear. Im not sure. Maybe i dont know who i really am for myself. So i keep smiling behind a facade but that little devil inside just waits her turn to show her horns. To bite and scratch......
Im still needy. Im still stubborn. Im still selfish. Im also harsh on myself and my worst enemy. Im critical and methodical. Not only of myself but those around me. Think i need a session on my knees and stripes on my back. Feeling out of place.....
