Accepting my failure and defeat. It has been a long process and it has been draining. I switch from emotionless to full greif and loss with no variation in between.
I tried and i failed. I let that guilt grab me and pull me down. Sometimes i feel i could have tried harder. That i should have known better. But i sealed my own fate and now i must pull up my big girl panties, take a deep breath and try my best to move forward.
Failure
It is supposed to teach us. Let us learn from our mistakes. Help make us stronger and strive for better.
It also signals the end of something we tried for. I know it is important to fail and to reflect. I could argue that i tried really hard but honestly i dont know if i did. Or if i just gave up.
Why do we fear failure so much? I know i do. Failure to be something that i am not seems like a stupid thing to worry about. Failure to commit to something i dont actually want to do because it would disappoint others. This would have to be my biggest hurdle. I naturally want to please people especially those close to me. To fail them i feel i fail myself. But when my inner self wants something different. Something deeper. Something extraordinary. Eventually i will listen to her as her voice gets stronger.
So at what point does failure turn into a lesson? Turn into strength. Turn into a purpose. I suppose when you feel like you have reached the bottom. Like you have no other excuse BUT to fail. And fail gloriously......
