Is there such a thing as being too submissive. Ive been told im terribly obedient and the usual good girl (which i love). Once that trust is established i seem to give in easily. And they know that. They can read me like a book. It might take a little work. A little word play, some mind games and constant guiding of conversation but they know they can get me to the point they wish.
But I find myself doing things for others (in my vanilla world) that i dont necessarily want to do, but begrudgingly do.
I shouldn't do this.
I hate that i do it.
I dont enjoy helping them in that moment, it is purely because it is expected of me that i do so......
Anyone who knows me will tell you im stubborn. I do speak up when it is on something that means a great deal to me. But apart from that I am quite laid back. I wonder if this is a side i should try to improve on myself. To stand up for myself a little more. To learn to say no. To not have a submissive nature to everyone and anyone. Because a lot of the time the actions of others bring me down. Because i expect them to do for me what i would for them and that is a misconception on my behalf. I get guilted and when that doesn't work i get hassled. I dont necessarily wish to become more gaurded but im mentally exhausted...... so very tired of making sure everyone is ok before me. I dont know..... just my unprecedented ramblings for the day.
Do you ever feel like this? My desire to please and not disappoint can bubble over leaving me a mess on the floor (and not in an erotic hot kind of way).
I dont wish to change who i am but i do feel the change coming. Something has to give and I'll be dammed if it's me.