Why do I use other people to make me happy?
I seem to do this constantly. I crave attention, whether it be from talking with my friends or a potential dom. I seem to use them to build myself back up again. Instead of actually working on myself.
I use someone in particular to make me feel good. He laughs at me and says he doesn't mind. That it is a mutual agreement. Using him to make myself feel sexy and appealing, which is not very fair.
I want to talk but I dont.
I want feel desired but not from everyone.
I dont want randoms messaging me.
Yet I want to meet knew people.
Pretty sure you could say my head is a bit all over the place right now...... just when I thought I was good........ introverted me is taking over and burying me under soft blankets to keep me safe.
And the truth is..... I may not be who I thought I was. Or maybe a more accurate description is who They thought I am. I'm never great at letting people down so I'd rather put on my noise canceling headphones, and keep to myself. Just while I sort out who I am..... first thing in the list....... run. Run till it hurts.