God knows it.
I am in need.
Show me what you can do.
For once, just once, want me.
Be your command, dropping me to my knees and melting me into a puddle.
Touch me and draw out the poison as I sleep.
Ive had a song stuck in my head for the past few days. Recently over the past few weeks my mental state has been ramping. I continue to channel energy at rapid bursts but have no breaking point. Like a pure blooded Spaniard stallion, wild and free, being broken. It fights continuously, bucking and jerking and running faster and faster, running with the challenge. But it refuses to break. So it only hits higher and higher limits, until it disintegrates. It becomes useless to anyone.
My truest desire, as I suppose is all humans truest desire if it can be summed up on a species scale, is to be loved and accepted. I accept the fullness of myself, flaws most of all. I walk backwards towards the light, staring down the evil, forever growing, trying to discipline the darker nature, but release as well, in little ways with a positive spin. I’m that dark but loveable kinda guy. I accept myself in totality, so I accept other people in totality. For the reality that they are.
I don’t… feel comfortable slipping into a submissive mindset. Interpersonal shit. Things I’ve gone over. But when you ramp it’s all you can ponder. Breaking. Shattering like a meteor against the earth. Pure annihilation.
But a dark spider. A pure web, the perfect trap. Letting yourself be captured in it. Cocooned. And simply rested. Darkness sleeping in the heart of darkness.
It’s been a long time since anyone put the moves on me. I do for my people. I play the good guy any chance I can. Just to prove that even though I entertain strange thoughts, I’m still a person. I work for it. But I’m always at a certain length away.
Im tired. And I need to be wanted. Something that lets me fully surrender myself. But it’s hard to find a mate when you walk on a tight wire .
With regards,
–J
p.s. Song in my head is Moves by Suki Waterhouse
