I’m bipolar to start off, which to me basically means I can move freely in the spectrum of good and evil and the pinprick that is balance. I always try to keep a 1% buffer between me and absolute; so full good but 1% evil that makes me just want to cheekily piss on the small conveniences of the world. “Haha fuck you what’re you gonna do about it?” Or 1% good in absolute evil so I have to consciously choose to be good. “Oh you got too high and passed out? Here’s a blanket, fuck you. You’re in an awkward sleeping position? Let me adjust you so your legs don’t fall asleep, fuck you. You’re starting to shake from a nightmare of your damaged life? Here let me stroke your arm and brush your hair back gently so you realize someone in this world can love you selflessly. Fuck you ❤️!”
I’ll keep this short because I’m down for heaps. To me, BDSM is this: when I see a submissive that just captures and captivates my attention, I see a being of purity, perfection, creation. And I chase it like the light of the sun, if only that I may cause it to supernova. What is love if not the overwhelming desire to destroy something you could never create? Or to hold it close to the chest like the word of god, sacred and holy beyond measure to none but you.
Not a bottom, but don’t let that stop you from trying. An alpha needs to be challenged from time to time to stay sane. Just maintain respect. Scat, piss, cum (negotiable), vomit play OFF THE TABLE!! Blood play is negotiable but a soft no. Abuse play, probably not.