I have been a member on this site for a good while but have only recently started participating. I felt I could use this outlet as a journal to hopefully move on and find my self. My ex screwed me up in the head and I have only recently been better. This is just pen to paper in a way I suppose...
I feel so lost dreaming about those I’ve let go only to fall back asleep and see them again. In my dreams they ask for help or tell me they miss me. In real life they ostracized me and put me out to pasture. I always felt like second best no matter what I did. Tried to care for her but only was left alone in our bed. Words weren’t said that needed to be. We both forgot how it started. The problems escalated ever higher. I asked why again and again but she couldn’t say. Now I know. I was hers and I only thought she was mine. These feelings still beat hard in my chest as I go on with my life. Yet even as a year has come and gone I still wake at night in a cold sweat. Their after image burned into my closed eyes. I keep telling myself love will come again. I want to believe it but I feel my heart is left at another’s door still beating. The hole in my chest tells me this. The things I want now I use to have but lost it all.
Day by day I learn who I am so I don’t make the same mistakes.