Musings, rants, and impromptu thoughts.

 5. The freedom of choice. I live in a country that allows for me to be able to make whatever choice I want. I still have to pay for the consequences yet I still can make that choice right wrong or indifferent. “Side note I’m not very patriotic but i respect people enough to not condemn them for their opinions. We all have them. We shouldn’t push ours on others..... end of side note”

6. My health. I have went through a chronic illness in my life that all medicines for it wouldn’t help. Finally I went and had surgery last year and I’m completely over it and am back to being the healthy me I have tried to be in the past.

 7. My education. I take the small bit of education I have for granted. When I’ve had conversations with some people that are ignorant on a subject I have studied. It reminds me we all have walked down different paths.

8. That I haven’t had any kids. This is a weird one for me. I plan on traveling in the medical field for work and having kids ties you down. I would love to have some of my own however I know I’m not ready yet, nor have I found a good candidate for my future kids’ mother.

9. A breeze blowing through my hair. Whether it’s from the windows down or taking a ride on my motorcycle. I love the feel of the wind going through my hair. It brings a calming sensation to my mind and soul.

10. The Cage. I enjoy reading all the stories and blogs. You guys are amazing. I have learned a lot from people on here and plan to continue to learn as well as enjoy the stories.

P.S. I may not post every day but I am gonna post one for every day this month. I realize that this is a wonderful exercise and a way to maintain your humbleness. 

Little late to the party but here are a few things I’m grateful for:

1. True colors. I love that in the last year of my life I have had a large number of friends show their true colors. Some I should have probably realized sooner than later. But now at least I know. 

2. Fur babies. I have two amazing animals that never  cease to entertain and amuse. One dog and one cat. Teaching me to be happy about life and take it one step at a time, even though they don’t realize it. 

3. Good luck. I have been in a car accident recently and I am lucky that I wasn’t seriously injured. I’m thankful I was able to walk away with barely a scratch on me. Although my car can’t say the same, but that’s what happens when cars try to dance with trees. 

4. Good job. I love the work I do in the medical field. I have worked with patients with and without this dreaded virus. I love to help my patients and always try to go the extra mile for them. Making the worst parts of medical treatment easier and less frightening is one of the best parts of the job. Bringing smiles to patients faces is the only thing better. (Other than them getting over whatever is making them sick of corse.)

I haven’t written anything lately because I haven’t felt my writing is up to par. Or at least where I would like it to be. So I have been indulging in looking at quotes and poetry that seems to speak to me here are a few that seem to. 

“I have love the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge in the other”

-Mary Shelly

Her arched submission

fearful anticipation

A gift of trusting

A doorway he stands

The gift carefully received

Smile crossing his heart

Leather to her skin

Good girl under his finger

Release for the both

One gives everything.

Yet asks for nothing.

Desires spin out of control.

Love to be the end goal

Fires burning bright.

Turn to coals simmering at night.

Blazing moments of touch.

All becomes nothing much.

Some people always say the right ones. Never at a loss for the precise phrasing. When they open their mouth it all comes out perfectly.

What do you do when you can’t find the ones you strive for. Either to explain all your frustrations. Maybe to comfort for a loss, or even to just reassure you will always be there for them.

Someday I will be able to let them all out unerring. It will rush forward like a flood. For now I will just try to say what I can. Hope I choose the most accurate ones till then.

Pre note- I’m not a writer and only have recently found it as a hobby. Using this to get better as I explore my voice.

Lost in the moment. Thoughts racing as I walk through the door. Set my stuff down on the counter. Dolled up with a smile she greets me.

“Good evening Sir”

I reach toward her not saying a word. Placing my hand against her cheek pulling her close. I place a kiss on her forehead.

“I made dinner but it sounds you would like desert first” she purrs.

The fire of curiosity starting to glow in my head. “What did you have in mind My Angel?” As she leads me past a fully set table. My favorite candle lit meal set for two. Romance? I thought.

Getting ahead of me she steps past a doorway and disappears from sight. As I enter she is kneeling in thin white lace. It perfectly shows her curves to me.

Sliding the leash and crop in front of her still looking down. I see a hint of excitement as she says . ”Me.”

As I sip my morning tea and contemplate myself like normal. I am trying to become the best version of me. With that thought in mind I know I have several demons to either to banish away or put on a leash. Pending on the size and nature of the beast. As I sort through these things I realize I have added to the list perfection. I strive to be perfect in all ways of my life. Yet one persons version of perfection is another’s imperfection. I just need to remember this as I always feel I fall short.

I am me. Not perfect, but perfectly me.

I felt a little to raw after the last few and felt I should put something to make a laugh. I always think of These especially since my nickname....

especially this one... 

To look at life as a glass half full.

I forget to do this every day. I always see the failures I’ve had and the hardships I’ve endured. Yet I never seem to see the positive things I bring into the world. The smiles on my patients faces when I show them a little extra compassion or the co-worker I don’t  know but gave a inspirational talk to when they were feeling like a failure. How I’ve made peoples day just by the simple kindness I’ve shared. A smile here a complement there.

Ask for help when in need.

I always try to offer help yet never ask for it in return. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone and yet I am to myself in this way. I can’t ask for help but know I may need it. Always wanting to be able to stand on my own two feet.

Self control is a must.

Knowing I feel a deep anger for someone yet I am able to hold it in and turn away. Not to Commit that heinous act of violence begging to be released by that demon inside. Instead I smile and I walk away much to my dismay. Does causing pain make up for the pain caused? What if it is returned as if in revenge? Would I still hold it so deep. These questions I may never truly answer because I do value my self control.

Everyone’s path is different.

This is a hard one when I start my introspection. I feel I’m always to slow. I’ve missed opportunities I should have taken. Yet sometimes the speed isn’t the goal but the trip we take. I am walking down a broken path leading somewhere. Coming from where I’ve been, I hope it has a warmth like the sun on my back. Or the wonderful vibrations you feel after a long motorcycle ride. The end is not my goal but the path itself. The sights and smells and tastes. I know I have my share of scars but I hope they don’t rub me to wrong on this path of mine.