Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Being ethical intelligent and hardworking is trash 😭

Today my EMS job has been having me set up a new office between me my direct manager of specialty transport care and one of the top paramedics in the company.

We're moving boxes of controlled substances, expensive medical equipment such as a heart ballon pump which by the way costs over 250,000 dollars multiple new ambulances to then be fully stocked and certified for service.

And I literally feel like this is punishment for being not only a good competent employee but ethical intelligent and hardworking.

Sure is it easy to set up a new base of operations of course not. If even one ambulance is improperly stocked or expensive equipment damaged it could have huge negative consequences for the company.

But I have ADHD I don't wanna sit around waiting for people to stock ambulances that I then have to ferry to the new office and catalog as I unload and help manage there filing.

I got into EMS to save effing lives to drive lights and sirens while someone is dying in the back. To be a hero like on TV or the movies.

Yet even though I chose a private company that has accounts with 911 and the federal government with critical care credentials because of my qualifications and attention to detail while other people are taking the dynamic calls today here I am helping set up a new base of operations with head management instead of saving lives.

I don't care about how long term this will make our response times faster to different parts of the state or save us money overall because of the hospitals and regions we can then better service or that they only have so many people they trust with such a critical task.

I love the thrill the rush of the job the moments when I feel directly that I am doing something incredible for someone.

This middle management bullshit isn't for me and every time I hear a call go out over the radio for something exciting a part of me is dying inside.

It could have been me going to that stemi just now!

It should be me if I wasn't more valuable as a middle management tool. Doing boring and dull paperwork and stocking support staff tasks I might be on a truck saving people.

Fuck being middle management I wish they would demote me take my FTO and license to teach credentials if that's what it takes. Just let me have the rush of emergency calls for a little bit today.

I need that hit 💉of pure dopamine and adrenaline.