This could trigger – please don't read if medical emergencies can trigger you.
This afternoon, I was going to meet a new friend. As I was leaving the house, someone close to me, who I thought might simply be jealous of me spending time with someone else, said, “I haven't seen our roommate Prince. I think maybe something happened.” I was like, “They’re an adult; how bad could it possibly be?”
Went to go meet the friend, but that took an unexpected turn. They ended up feeling that I was being disingenuous about things I said and did and reading ill intent into my behaviors. So clearly that went poorly. Came home, where we have Ring cameras, and was like, “Fine. Let me see what’s going on with this roommate.”
I hadn't noticed Prince feed their fish in like 2 days. Even if they weren't feeling well, they didn't ask me to feed their fish? I have done that for them before. Now I was just as concerned. Looked at all the cameras, made a timeline, and then called the police for a wellness check. We opened the door on their request, and since there was no early positive signs, they asked me to do my job as an EMT.
I went over, but I didn't want to set the priority. They asked me why I wasn't going to start CPR and then to give my report as trained around care priority. I went over the signs of life. I went over what I did to come to the medical decision on setting the priority. They thanked me and sent the police without medical backup, non-emergency. I knew the roommate had issues – mental, emotional, and a past history of drug use. I had hoped by welcoming my friend into the house, we could maybe set them on a more stable and healthy path forward. I had noticed them going through some issues lately, but they pushed me away when I tried to help.
I couldn't have possibly predicted that within a few months of them living here I would be acting as an EMT for them, without any way to save them. Good intentions is the path to hell. I will never forget this day; it is a reminder. I woke up optimistic, and the universe was like, “Yeah, not quite, bitch.”
I worked in a nursing home as a security guard, where I have watched people die. As a member of the LGBTIQ community, I have known people who died, even some I tried to reach out to. This is the first time I had to work as an EMT on my friend – with nothing I could do but preserve the scene, so that way the police and crime lab could do their jobs. It definitely feels different. I was so reluctant; you can ask anyone, I kept trying to make them send someone else to conduct the examination, but as any good emergency services, they took advantage of available resources to set priority.
If my life wasn't already so damn insane, I could see how this could destroy some people with how bad it feels right now. But for anyone who’s read my life, for me this is kinda what I have grown to expect – the Buddhist four noble truths:
Life is suffering
The cause of suffering is craving
The end of suffering comes with an end to craving
There is a path which leads one away from craving and suffering
I must accept that the reality is what it shall be. I can only control myself and no other. I have seen worse days; there will probably be other horrible days ahead. If anything, losing my friend/ roommate to either SI or an OD has now only made me more filled with desire to help people.
