I only learned of the term Demisexuality a few years ago and it describes me perfectly. Demisexual was added to the Oxford English dictionary this year. The term is defined as: Noting or relating to a person who is sexually attracted only to people with whom they already have an emotional bond.
I never understood why or how people would fall in love with or be attracted to models or movie stars, even watching things like porn did nothing for me I mean If I don't know the persons hope dreams fears personality why or how could anyone even possibly love that person or want to be with them. To me there is no such thing as skin deep attraction.
Some try to argue that demisexuals don't exist (laugh) think critically about our hook up culture I can't imagine ever using grinder tinder or any other app that claims to set me up with someone. Anyone who has ever tried to pick me up before they even know the content of my unfulfilled desires and what I feel my life is working towards to me is uninteresting and a hard no!
The overt sexualizing of everything in society also makes me uncomfortable at times, people say sex often sells to me its just gross. Take a toothpaste or deodorant ad what is it a soft-core porn about how if you use said product you will have men or women all over you. I mean who would even want that? I would never want random scumbags who don't view me as a human being near me oh because of my bright smile people who open with commenting on my looks my response is usually -- that's nice go f yourself dipshit.
Demisexuals aren't trying to put other people down or judge you for doing your thing. We want to be given a space to exist I mean it sucks when we do develop a crush on a friend since that is how it mostly happens, for me one friend took almost 15 years for me to find them attractive.
It is difficult to address this with people since it isn't talked about enough and many people tend to wanna shoot there shot right away clearly with the view it is better to swing and miss to then go onto the next person as if relationships were just a numbers game. I just wish it was normal that getting laid or sex didn't matter, that people could wanna make strong loving bonds in general and if some of them evolve into sexuality that would be a natural progression between people who loved eachother.
I know some demisexuals can play the game of relationships not because they want to but because of needing to feel loved and have sexual expression once in awhile. I just am too damn aware of my feelings, the act of being flirty or receptive before I feel it to me is a no go. I also hate it when someone says thank you when I give a complement why be thankful for an honest assessment of something about you? They should recognize for me it is just truth telling and such a thing does not deserve gratitude.
One benefit to dating a demisexual is we don't love half way. For a demisexual like myself the more we discover about someone the more we often wanna be there. Sure if your a creeper we'd never be interested in the first place, but if your a decent person let us in and then you can prepare for unconditional love.
