I hadn't been a switch at all until this year of my life.
Yet the second my body was bound in rope for the first time, I knew that I could never look at dominance or submission the same way again. The intimate connection I have felt with rope tops has given me a short reprieve from my anxiety and natural nervousness.
The more tension the rope puts on my skin creates a feedback loop where the deeper my troubles seem to fade. An insatiable desire to be bound, held tightly, to be pricked by the bite of rope on my soft, supple skin gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.
My shoulder is not known to be an erogenous zone for me, yet once a column or double column is groping me, my whole body changes. As rope is cinched into my skin with a playful pinch, the restriction sets me immediately into a headspace where just me and the top exist. It doesn't matter who's watching or the context. Imagine what it does everywhere else, sometimes a rope top will drag the rope across my hard nipples oh my, you can see flush on my face admitting how much I crave it.
I have only had 4 scenes so far, but each time, as if to humiliate me for once,saying I'd never be a sub when I was young. I was to insecure to admit that I need a break at times from being "in charge." The sheer thought of someone doing kinbaku with a suspension or Shibari can make my heart to flutter like no other kink or experience.
It isn't so much the alluring nature of rope or its aphrodisiac like nature for me that is the key trait. I crave the freedom in feeling taken care of by another, feeling owned with no worries or burden temporarily other then to inform them what the rope is doing as well as whispering gratitue in hypnotic sighs.
With all the pressures and stresses of everyday life in my high stakes life working as an EMT while doing volunteerism for Maryland search and rescue, I don't get to unplug,turn off, to surrender to moments that would overwhelm many. Often I am under so much pressure to handle whatever fucked up emergency can emerge, and thanks to people, there is an awful lot of crazy going on.
The most appealing thing is an end to my hypervigilance. I get to surrender to the moment and exist divorced from reality, After the first time It created an insatiable need for the freedom given when tied up. I get to believe that my dom can and will provide the safety and security needed to take care of me and my needs in that scene.
I am so grateful to the people who have devoted themselves to this craft. I often get thanked for being an EMS worker yet it is you who have helped smooth out rough patches in my life by giving me a den of rope to rest from an unforgiving world.
Forever yours,
Icegirl-
