I've been here for about a month and have learned so much. I've learned quite a bit of really beautiful elements of the lifestyle such as the immense amount of communication and trust that goes into it. I love how absolutely aware and in tune the dominant is in his care of his submissive (change pronouns as desired). I also think the act of the submissive preparing herself for her dominant is such a beautiful display of care and service. To love and want to please someone so much that you become so detail oriented simply for their gratification....it's like art in motion. This whole lifestyle is like art in motion, actually!
But today I want to talk about something else I've learned...boundaries. It was actually the first lesson I learned as soon as I created my account here. As a new submissive in this lifestyle I found so much to be pretty overwhelming. The very next minute after creating my account I started getting messages from potential dominants. I had tried to create a profile that reflected my status as being in a relationship and looking for education. In my naivete I assumed that people reaching out would have taken that message to heart. I tried to not assume intentions before they were made clear, and so, I got myself into some places I didn't want to be in. Many men told me I could only learn how to be a submissive if they played the role with me. Being new, I felt like maybe they were right, but I knew I wasn't comfortable with it. I was afraid to step on toes. It was then I knew I was struggling with boundaries.
I reached out to a submissive whose blogs and profile I really resonated with. She helped me to understand that setting boundaries in this world is no different than in the vanilla world. *You don't owe them anything*
I remembered my intuition. I remembered my voice. And I started setting my boundaries when, where, and how I wanted. Most people were very respectful once I set the boundaries and I realized that in this world, people (especially doms) are used to pushing a little. Not out of disrespect, but often in a way to help their submissive grow. And I realized there was no place for weak or nonexistent boundaries...it was a recipe for someone, maybe multiple people, getting hurt.
I still have so much to learn, and I'm excited for this journey I am on.
And also, this is the first blog post I've ever written in my entire life...I covet your feedback :)