The squeaks of a little mouse: from one sub to another..

Tessallia​(sub male) - I don't have any expierence in a relationship (though I hope to some day), but I have don't a lot of reading on these relationships. In the most recent book I read "conquer me" by Kacie Cunningham I did read something that might help you. I'll reread some of the chapters and get back if you want and if you want it's a great read to pick up. First off in it's chapter on punishment, (i think thats where i read it) it talked about something similar to this type of situation. It had said that a lot of times subs feel that they can't forgive themselves even though their Doms have already administered punishment and forgave them already. On this grain of thought she said that you have to trust your Dom, she took the time to punish you to help you become a better submissive, and therefore she wants to continue this relationship. Even though it can be hard you should trust her forgiveness. That said perhaps you should talk her, these relationships often take a lot of communication to be successful. Maybe you'll find that you can assuage some of your guilt by making yourself a better submissive, and pick up a few skills that your Goddess (and you) will find useful. You may also find that doing some research and reading into the dynamics of D/s relationships will help as well. I hope it helps, (sorry if it doesn't)

Her_mouse​(sub male){Bellona's} - That all sounded great, thanks for taking the time to send that to me. It's very similar to what my Domme has expressed to me as well, perhaps She read the book lol. Any book titles you've found appreciated during your journey would be ones i would like to know about as well. Please send them to me sometime. ?

Tessallia​(sub male) - I would be happy to but at the moment most of my reading is from. Forums and other websites though I am looking for the next good book. I usually get curious about small details and rush off to find answers. My journey is very young. Its Basiclt all reading and longing. Coming to this website and opening up to talk to people was my first big step. I have had a lot of anxiety and doubt (but mostly not being comfortable with who I am) so being here and talking to people has been amazing. I'm feeling so much more confident and ready to start trying to be active in my local community as well. All the reading was a great start though. I'll let you know if I find a good book though. (Also feel free to message me always looking to make new friends)

Her_mouse​(sub male){Bellona's} - Sounds great. Just remember that very few of us made such huge transitions without dealing with shyness or anxiety on some level. i can honestly say i battle anxiety and depression quite often, so the idea of opening up to the wrong people can be the most terrifying thought in the world.

i still have alot of issues with not feeling comfortable in my own skin. It's extremely difficult to talk about with others. But it wasn't until that i finally did that i was able to take some of that weight off my chest. And if you'd ever like to discuss things in a private setting i would be happy to share all the things that have helped me work on these things..

TheEdge​(other male) - We are our own worst critics. There has been time when I have done something that whenever I look back I beat myself over it even tho the person that was involved in it has already forgiven me. I’ve been punished for some of them so I could have closure but I felt like the punishment wasn’t enough or hard enough for what I have done to make me have closure.so I asked to be punished harder(not just physically). That helped me in some of my cases. I also learned that the guilt while it can be unhealthy it also can be good cause you yourself will make sure you won’t do that thing ever again. Just remember no one is perfect and no matter how hard we try we screw up sometimes. Sometime we want someone so bad that we don’t want to do anything wrong we want to be perfect for them but it doesn’t work like that if you don’t make mistake you won’t learn and the guilt is a part of it. Sometimes it helps if we stop trying take control of our own punishment. I once had a Domme and I used to get like that a lot and that would lead me into deep depression cause I hated myself I didn’t want o disappoint her because I waited so long for someone like her and sometimes she wouldn’t even punish me and would say it was ok and that used to drive me crazy but used to tell me that stop taking matters in my hands and that that wasn’t my job anymore and that she has taken over that and I have given her that control so trying to go back to my old ways would mean topping from bottom and that she wouldn’t allow that. That would calm me down so much I was able to let go and let her think for me. Stop criticizing myself cause I haven’t been doing it for so long it was time to stop and let someone else do it.

Her_mouse​(sub male){Bellona's} - i truly understand and agree with some of that. Especially the feeling of wanting be, act, and perform for our Domme on a flawless level. There is nothing most subs would want more, so what we consider to be a failure may not always be considered to be one by the Dominant as well.

The thing i keep telling myself is that life is short and uncertain. i can spend days, weeks, or months soaking in guilt and shutting myself off to the world. OR i can do what my Domme would want most of me: To move on like She has.

Why spend all the amazing quality time you could be having with your Dominant being sad and mopey. Every day with your Dominant is a gift and each is precious. Just be open and honest, and don't waste a single day more than needed to move past things. It's not good for you, OR your dominant.

Makemebad2 - Hi peyman, I just want to say, I've never been in a real life relationship. ..I'm a closet sub in my real life is how I refer to myself. ..but reading your response. ..it was so calming for me! You are truly lucky to have a Domme in your life that will remind you of such things and take such things away from you! I often wonder if being here is good for me in the long run or not. It's only showing me in exquisite detail what I'll never have. I'm sincerely happy for you. ...

TheEdge​(other male) - Hello Makemebad:)
I understand your frustration. I used to be a “closet sub”myself.even in this time and age there are still people who think there is something wrong with this lifestyle. The point is there are always people who would dis you and say you are crazy or you need help blah blah blah... and they will always be there. So to hell with those people :). Back in those days I was single and it was so much easier to get into different relationship with people. Can even count how many “Dommes”entered my life and disappeared out of no where specially online but I learned from each and everyone of them. Now I’m in a relationship with an other sub and in love.sometimes I feel like I will never have what I dreamt of that I will never have that level of Dominance over me from this person and that is sad sometimes but relationships are a lot of good work and some sacrifices might have to be made. So me and my partner came up with a schedule that for example one week I’ll take on the Dominant role and next week she does the same and in between we are also keeping our vanilla intimacy cause there are times that we just want to be with each other with out anyone Dominating or submitting and just enjoy each other . So this way my submissive needs are being met hers is being met and we also have that loving vanilla aspect. Is it perfect ? No. Is all my submissive needs are being met ? No. So I get to be in a 24/7 D/s relationship that I’ve aleays wanted? No. But having this person in my life makes all the sacrifices worth while.plus you can always fill the voids with outside help. In my case I talk with Dommes aloooottt I like to be part of their brain and see how they see and enjoy their mind process. I talk with people in the lifestyle and try to give back to the community and that on it self gives me a gooos feeling cause I feel super happy when I give.
Ps:
We are both horrible at Dominating and I expected nothing less but this is where you need to start working on yourself instead of dismissing the ideas and maybe do some stuff that you don’t want to do to make each other happy cause that makes you happy and that is one of many definitions of submission.