Why do you even want that.
and i had to think for a few moments, to really think about it thoroughly and put it into words that expressed my feelings. because it was important and, from the tone of her voice, she was genuinely wanting an answer. her surprise or immediate revulsion, whatever it was that made her shock so, hadnt soured the energy between us.
and so i explained, as best as i could; that it was like giving in to a thought that was always there in the background of my mind, and i built scaffolding over the top of it so it got buried away and i could smother it out til it was effectively quiet. but now i had heard it again, because she had destroyed all my walls and the foundation was shaking apart,
and i needed to see if answering that call that was always ringing just once might make it go quiet. and what a relief that would be, to hear the silence for awhile.