First off, to anyone reading this, hello! I don’t know that I expect people to read this mess of mental chaos, but I find writing or typing things out helps me to rationalize and think things through. And well, most of this will be tied to things in this community, so I figured I’d share that chaos with you all. And for that, I’m sorry.
So, I joined this site yesterday and I am quite eager to experience what all it has to offer. I am quite new to this world, and after a bit of a google search, this seemed like a good starting point. If any of you fine readers have any additional ideas on where/how to begin, hit me with it!
I’ve always been a bit curious about the BDSM lifestyle. I always thought it would be a fun experience and be something I’d excel at. I was drawn to the idea of being a dom. That sounded like so much fun. Being able to tell someone what to do and they have to do it is the dream, right? Obviously there is a lot more to it than that, but from the perspective of a kid looking at it for the first time, that’s what I saw.
But as I matured, I realized that wasn’t for me. For a few reasons. One is that I hate making people do something they don’t want. I’m not one to force someone, or punish them, for not doing something they don’t want. Another reason is that I don’t feel like I would use my power for good. And I try to be a good person, so that conflict was a bit weird. But I’d say the biggest thing holding me back as a dom would be the way I talk. I can text fine, but when I have tried sexy talk or to be stern with someone in person, I put a lot of unneeded pauses and breaks in the sentences. Think of Ross Gellar from friends trying to talk dirty. That’s where I’m at. Not great.
I realized though, that I am very submissive. I don’t like to take charge. I don’t like to be in control all the time. In fact, the less control I have, the happier I am. For a long time, I was embarrassed by that. My preconceived idea was that men needed to be in the dominant position and women in a submissive one. I say that purely in a BDSM context, not as a general commentary on life. Obviously that is wrong on so many levels, but I was young and dumb and didn’t know better. Now I do. I see that anyone who wants to be in any position can be. There is no defined gender roles. People are going to do what makes them happy, and that’s a beautiful thing.
What is my point in all of this rambling? Do I even have one? Is anyone even reading this still? I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. But here I am. On some type of exploratory journey to find myself and hopefully entertain some of you along the way.
Feel free to message me if you’d like. I’m always down to meet people and I do want to get a better understanding of this world and so many other things. So don’t be scared! I don’t bite! Unless I’m asked.
