Express Yourself

I miss getting my nails done. With everything still shut down I decided to give myself a French manicure. My first attempt. Not too bad for my first try! Do something special for you. ❤️

I've always known my intuition is spot on, but it's taken me awhile to trust it. I can't help but put faith in a situation and give benefit of doubt to only be let down time and time again. Then, in return reprimanding myself for not listening to those instincts deep within. Then repeat. Oh my, why do I do this to myself I keep asking?!

After much reflection and internalization I have now put trust in those feelings and if something doesn't feel right, deep down inside my subconscious, I listen. Feeling enlightened and empowered! Vibrating that positive energy in a much higher frequency. 

In my last D/s relation my previous 'Master' as I've been reflecting, used to comment frequently on the fact that I have a strong personality. It felt as though he thought this to be a negative trait. Constantly reminding me of this as though a sub/slave shouldn't have such a characteristic. But I feel as though if I didn't have a strong personality, I wouldn't be as loyal, devoted, or passionate among other qualities. Can a submissive not be confident, strong, intelligent, independent ... Yet be subservient, obedient, compliant ...? Within those qualities of strength could not a Master see value in that and use it in a positive manner to guide and mold his sub into what he see's best for her and him? Should he not be proud to own someone who possess such a trait? Just wondering ......

Gather your mistakes.
Rinse them with honesty and self reflection.
Let dry until you can see every choice and the regret becomes brittle.
Cover the entire surface with forgiveness.
Remind yourself you are human,
and this too is a gift.

It took me a long time to realize that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. Not every person we feel something deep and moving with is meant to make a home within us, is meant to be a forever.

Sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how to love; and sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how not to love. How not to settle, how not to shrink ourselves ever again. And yes, sometimes people leave - but that's okay, because their lesson always stay, and that is what matters. That is what remains. 

Her soul is wild, untamed; a spirit blindly searching for peace amidst the chaos in a sea of crushing storms. She reaches for his hands, always slightly out of grasp. A faceless vision she fights against, and darkness envelops once more.

She chokes against her chains loosing breath and light and sight.The more she battles, the more she drowns under waves of self-destruction.

In moments of pure exhaustion, she stills and finds her breath once more.

He reaches; she kneels; His face becomes clear, and in him, she finds her rest....

Well .... I finally did it. With my 3 year D/s relation ending in November, I finally got the courage up and deleted his number from my contact. Small achievement. Maybe? But for me .... It's significant. It's the last item on my list for closure and to finally move on. Holding onto it only held me back. In my mind in a sense it gave me false hope when there is none. Toxic relations can be debilitating. Never did I imagine I would find myself in such a situation. I always thought I was smarter than that. Confident enough about myself. Words .... They don't have meaning without the actions to follow it. 

Regardless, I'm ready to be the author of my next chapter! 

She has spent far too many years
believing other people when they
made her feel like she wasn’t good
enough. Too many years hiding her
light under a bushel, and shrinking
away from the things she thought she
didn’t deserve. Too many years
accepting the wrong kind of
treatment, because the disrespect and
indifference of others had shaped her
self-worth. But now, she is slowly
emerging from her shell, having finally
shaken off the shackles that have held
her back. Gone are those who put her
down and made her feel so low. Now,
it is her time to shine. ❤️

j.sexton