"Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.”
Just found this and it gave me pause because it is so true. I have personally dealt with some rude people in the last couple of days. Their wanting to be “right” overpowered their ability to be civil and respectful. I know that this is usually because the person has trauma that has not been dealt with and the have the “need” to be heard. I have been there.
I will say this, deal with the traumas in your lives, you are the only one that can do that work. There are people that can assist, but it is ultimately you that needs to face it and deal with it. Become “Self Aware”. You do not have a right to lash out at someone else because of the things that others did to you. Stop Projecting The Wrongs Of Others On People That Have Done No Wrong To You!!!
Take responsibility and be accountable for your actions and stop blaming others. Other people are not your punching bags.
It is good to see that there are some others that are getting good stuff out there for people to glean information from. I love that a lot of it comes from a place of personal experience and tied in with principles that pertain to the lifestyle. Something that I am working on is to make sure that when I am using sources of information, that I cite those sources. For me it is being transparent and honest about what it is I am writing about and giving the backup sources when I am using them. Also, if I am copying something that someone else has written, I want to make sure that I cite the source so that they receive the credit. After all, I am not the one that wrote it and I do not want to mislead anyone into thinking that I wrote something I did not. Plus, if I did try to claim something of someone else, it is a violation of the TOS and if caught, it is considered a copyright infringement. I, as someone that produces educational posts, do not want that black mark on me. Plus, it violates the 4 pillars. Mainly Trust and Honesty. As I said in that educational post, if one of the pillars falls, the entire thing falls. This is not just in Dynamics but, also for individuals in community. As an educator, it kills my credibility and people would no longer trust anything that I put out there. So if I copy something from a source, it will be cited and credit given where credit is due. I hope that the rest of those that have stepped up to do some educational pieces will do the same. Remember - Trust, Honesty, Communication, and Respect. These are the pillars that all else is built on.
Have you ever talked to someone about things in lifestyle and you find that what they perceive to be reality is nothing more than fantasy?
With all of the YouTube, pornhub, and other crap out there, people are more and more looking at the fantasy side of things instead of looking at the reality of the lifestyle. They think or in-vision that a dynamic is going to be this perfect little place where nothing ever goes wrong and their lives are now perfect in this realm. I hate to be the one that burst the bubbles of the ones out there that think this is the case. Real life and real dynamics are not what you see on TV!!!
We all still deal with the same things as people not in lifestyle. It is not like we Doms are walking around in Leather pants and vests with a single tail strapped to our sides like Indiana Jones. Our subs are not following us around 24/7 in a white low cut sleeveless dress, with the slits on the side all the way up to the hip. This is all fantasy. what we are are hard working people that live a kinky lifestyle. For some of us it is 24/7 and we do not switch in and out of roles. For others, it is only in the bedroom. And others, online only. So please, for the love of all that is kinky, please stop acting like the fantasy is the reality, when the reality is that we are not in the Story of O. Stop with those expectations.
Well I am not sure why or what happened but, I am finally able to log back in to the cage after 20 days. I guess it was the Universes way of telling me to take a break. ?♂️
At least it gave me some time to get some things done around the property like, finishing the chicken / duck condo so we could move those chicks out of the house. ?
Sorry to anyone that might have been looking for me but, I had no control on not being able to log in. Again, not sure what happened, don’t really care other than I am back on. ? I will be continuing my series hopefully this weekend. Until then…
At 3pm, I would ask the community, within the United States, to pause for a moment and remember those brave men and women that gave everything for those of us here so that we may continue.
If you are not within the U.S. and feel the urge, please join us as we honor our fallen brothers and sisters.
This is an adventure starting with the basics, the fundamentals if you will.
This is how I was taught lifestyle when I came into it by my Mentor. Some may have learned different and that is okay!!
The first thing that I was taught was The 4 Pillars of this lifestyle as they are the foundation of everything else.
These are non-negotiable and universal thru the community or at least were with the community I was involved with.
They were as follows.
Trust
Respect
Honesty
Communication
It is these 4 things that all else is built upon. If one is non-existent or fails then the whole house crumbles.
This is either within the community or a dynamic. (This also should be for Vanilla Relationships)
As I progress thru these, I will elaborate on each of these more thoroughly.
But for now, I wanted to bring them up to get people thinking about each one of these and open up with conversation.
I know there are going to be some of you out there that are going to say something like "Those aren't right." or "Haven't you read J.T. Morrison - Devil In The Details"
So before you do, the series by Morrison was published in 2011. I entered the lifestyle in the 90's. (Yes the 1990's!! I know I am old.) So this publication came out almost 15 years after I entered the L.S.
I was taught those 4 because they are not only Dynamic/Relationship, but are the foundation of the community as a whole.
I know others are going to say things like Trust and Respect are earned.
To this I say, Yes and No.
Why?
Because when you first meet people, there is a certain amount of trust and respect that is given. Those 2 are either going to go up or down depending on further communication and vetting with the individual.
I will Trust a person until they give me a reason to not trust them. (I also use circles of relationship to know who and what I can discuss. I will get into that in a later post)
I have a basic Respect for a person until they give me a reason to not respect them.
Both, as I said can increase or decrease depending On whom it is that I am speaking with and what I see as far as their character.
NOW THE DISCLAIMER
With me opening this up for discussion and being able to hear and share others thoughts and insights, I will ask politely that everyone remains respectful. Although I may not block you (Unless you are being a total ASS HAT!!), I do have the power to delete your comments. And I will do so if you want to be disrespectful to myself or others.
Debate is good and causes growth - Attacks on others will not be tolerated!!
We are all adults here (Maybe).
Please feel free to use the comments to discuss how you see each of the pillars.
I am not talking about those that just offer tidbits of info here and there. I am talking about people that have a passion for the lifestyle and want to help others on their journeys.
It seems as if we have lost a lot of people that want to help the community. Share different view points and different styles.
The more I read here and other places, the more I see arguments about who is right and who is wrong.
There is not one way of doing things, as we are all very different Human Beings.
Each dynamic is different.
But yet, we still see all the fighting and name calling as if we are all back in grade school battling it out like it is a popularity contest.
Everyone with their little clicks and groups, thinking they are the best...Blah, Blah, Blah.
How about this.... Instead of fighting and bitching with each other, why not come together in a respectful manner and start discussing the different aspects of Kink and Lifestyle in a way to bring knowledge to others.
Stop being disrespectful to those that have a different view point than yours.
Stop Creating Drama!!!!
Lets start to bring back Educators and make this a place to share our thoughts/experiences and learn from one another instead of turning this site into a bitchfest dumpster fire!
(not talking about those that release what they are feeling or going thru on their blog)
We all, no matter how long you have been in this lifestyle, have things we can share and things we can learn from each other. And it can be done in an adult manner. Lets do better.
Here it is!! The Big Reveal of the Acronym that no one guessed.
S.H.I.C.K
S - Shit
H - Happens
I - In
C - Consensual
K - Kink
No matter how much we plan a scene, how prepared and skilled we are,
Sometimes, Shit Happens that doesn't go as planned.
I can speak only for myself and say that there are times when something happens that was not planned for or expected.
When it does, I stop, check in and discuss the situation with my partner.
Mind you that this does not happen often. But if it does, Stop and go over what happened and why.
It might be minor, or it might be major. Either way, a mistake is a mistake and needs to be addressed and rectified to the satisfaction of all parties involve.
SHICK is not about blowing off what happened. It is knowing that sometimes, even under the best laid out plans, something goes wrong.
