Life has been a whirlwind, I'm trying my best to hold on before falling straight onto my ass. Some days are better than others, I can smile and laugh, feel genuinely happy. Others I can't get my chest to stop hurting, my sorrow raining down. Constant thoughts of what ifs and how the hell to move on from losing Him. One of the thoughts plaguing my mind was my collar. I'm not a materialistic person but the thought of losing it was driving me crazy. The thing I cared most about that He gave me. I almost started to get obsessed with thinking I was going to lose it, dread setting in. Someone kind and thoughtful here told me something I needed to hear at a certain moment. "Treat yourself as He would have." I realized real quick that I have been doing the exact opposite while in my grief. Nothing He would have done for me. So, I'm picking myself up as best I can. I wanted my collar still, but since I wanted it safe too I decided to buy another. I was able to track it down and placed my order. I also wanted to keep it in something special, a symbol of us. It didn't take long, a crown jewelry box. Perfect. I never saw myself like He did, a princess. But it was so fitting because of that. I re collared myself with the new collar, same as the old but not. The original was given to me full of love and promise. The new one for remembrance and hope. I will always love my Sir, as long as I can have hope in one day being in His loving embrace.
