A moment and then another

“I became addicted to sensation as each instrument and rhythm brought new sensation. The anticipation of waiting for the next blow, and then the release. The impacts and then the absence, or ghost, of pain sends me on a wave of sensation. Everything is acutely felt and received by my body and mind; this takes me to the meditative state where everything melts away and time disappears. Subspace – to be revisited in another post.”

From previous post ‘Impact: pain and pleasure’

I’ve been to quite a few places in my mind, but only once have I experienced subspace. It was so early in my journey – perhaps the second or third session of play. At the time, I didn’t even know what it was, just that it was a complete out of body, transcendent experience. And I fucking loved it! Giving my body over to Him felt so natural and right. We new each other from a past life. I had this feeling since early on that we were like two unique and complex shapes that just fit perfectly.

It was an intense and long session with sensory deprivation, heavy impact, sensual play, orgasm control and toys. I was restrained at the head of the bed, facing the wall, while He worked my shoulders. Toys were inserted and placed, filling holes and caressing my pussy and ass. The impacts were soothed with warm, firm hugs, kisses on my neck and affirmations. My body was shaking in that uncontrollable way, but I still managed to stop myself climaxing. I wouldn’t be able to for much longer, however. Then I went somewhere; time did not exist and there was no visual, there was nothing. Pleasure had reached a point, seemingly, where my mind was so overwhelmed it just switched off. It dropped actually; my body did too. All the muscles went into complete relaxation as if hypnotised. The full feeling is hard to grasp but I remember it was ecstasy – like being released, the ultimate freedom. When I woke, I felt confused, as if I didn’t know where I was, where I’d been and what was happening. I know I felt all the tension released from me. I came with huge gush released from all of my body and out through my pussy. But I cannot remember the timing of this – was it when I was in subspace or before? It wasn’t after because the sensation when I woke was like I was returning slowly from a great height. I did have a drop so the aftercare was essential.

I have read about a few subspace experiences from others, which seem similar but uniquely different, much like the many different ways orgasms can be experienced. I would love to read more ?.

A return to the most fundamental aspect....

Being fully present in body, mind and environment. Attention can be cast to wherever one's heart desires. If I am not feeling desirable, I can change that; if I am not feeling satisfied, I can change that; if I am wanting, I can change that; if I am disconnected, I can change that. Shifting one's perspective is a superpower that is often forgotten or seemingly unattainable. It's like a switch, is it not? For example, if I am sitting in a waiting room, impatient and bored, I turn my attention to feeling and thinking about my beautiful pussy (or any sensual zone that occupies my attention) and I can feel the tingling pleasure of arousal. Instantly, a switch is turned on in my mind and I am focused on my body and, through thought, bring myself pleasure. The act of waiting (feeling frustrated) has now changed to meditating (feeling pleasure) purely because I shifted my focus from outside distractions to internal clarity.

This binary switch underpins the psychology of ritual. Ritual is used to transition from one space to another. Performing acts that have prescribed associations and understanding gives purpose and clarity to the mind; distracting, and often frivolous, thoughts are removed to make space for where a person's full attention is desired. My mind = my reality. It moves like water ?️.

Rituals are most important to me right now, for they are the gateways to where I want to go. Exploring D/s dynamics has taught me this fundamental lesson and I look forward to furthering this journey ??☺️.

They say pain and pleasure concern the same region of the brain.

Prior to my sexual awakening, I had not experienced or sought to incorporate pain into my fucking, other than some exploration of anal (and I can’t remember the first time I got fucked in the ass or how/why I enjoyed it).

My initiation into BDSM was through a conversation with my friend, soon to be my lover. We knew each other for quite a while in vanilla and our paths met again, seemingly at a point where we were ready to transcend to great sexual and spiritual heights. The conversation was about his discovery and journey in BDSM as well as his interpretation of the concepts. My mind is my pleasure zone – I get off on intelligence and chemistry, so I was done for. My cunt, which was previously dormant – a product of boredom and frustration in vanilla relationships – now ached with excitement. I was invited to the bedroom, and by that stage experiencing all of what he described was my only option. A few basic protocols were established and I was ready to submit, to trust, whole-heartedly. I cannot honestly say what made me trust so quickly and easily: Intuition? Nature? Excitement? Our existing relationship?

Trust and confidence in my friend, my lover, have been organic; we understood/understand independence and responsibility of self and were/are so wary of vanilla relationship pitfalls.

I had no idea about BDSM really; I had just given up and accepted the boredom of vanilla sex. Of course, it wasn’t all boring and I had experienced some alternate avenues in fucking – FFM, anal, roleplay. But it was all still so narrow. And boredom, conventional routine, sameness is my greatest fear.

I cannot remember the sequence of events but I think He wrapped me in rope, probably a harness, and went to work on my body – touching, toys, voice, tone, sensory deprivation. The process of being bound in rope, the sensations and the mindstate (complete calmness) was comforting – my body drops and time disappears. I find rope to be so peaceful; [our aim is to get to full suspension].

He, and I think this was the first night as well, introduced me to impact play with the necessary tools and communication, and we quite rapidly plummeted down that hole. (Breaking in a newbie must be pretty daunting!) Well, then I discovered how pain bring me to new, lofty heights – literally! Transcendence/subspace. I became addicted to sensation as each instrument and rhythm brought new sensation. The anticipation of waiting for the next blow, and then the release. The impacts and then the absence, or ghost, of pain sends me on a wave of sensation. Everything is acutely felt and received by my body and mind; this takes me to the meditative state where everything melts away and time disappears. Subspace – to be revisited in another post.

Pain and pleasure combined are perfectly harmonious.

Release – I was craving release from my tightly bound box. I want to feel deeply, explore possibilities and escape confinement.

The psychology…

The mental is everything in: BDSM, fucking, life, nature, science