2 years ago. October 31, 2022 at 7:48 PM
I feel constantly pulled between breaking and putting myself back together.
I need to be broken, taken lower, but cannot give in to complacency or apathy.
Fear of abandonment?
No. Fear of being with my self. Of what I might do and say. How I might hurt myself. She can be so fucking crazy.
She's so hurt, so lost, so neglected. I abandoned myself. But I don't know What to do now.
The frustrating limits of my mind. When logic, the logic I know, is flawed. I hope to let go. Trying is no good. Try till I break. But it's all I can do when letting go and self compassion are so foreign to me.
I guess this is learning how to be the anti-hero. I really don't know anything.