I'm surprisingly happy and excited about being denied what I craved.
For the first time in ages I developed a crush and for a while I've been sitting with it, admiring, dreaming and building up the courage to ask her out. I did today. And she said she has a partner. But I'm so happy - I did it, I was courageous and vulnerable. A little disappointed but so proud to try and then feel so free. Free because I have my answer and there is no doubt in my mind now, that it is a beautiful road not travelled. A dream, a possibility unrealised. And so I move on, dancing my way on.
But I must tell you, how incredibly turned on I am - being denied the fulfilment of my lust. I am now turning to animal insatiability. "No" makes me ravenous and want to be ravaged. So I relish rather than resent. I dwell, with passion and wickedness, in the desire of denial. Paradise Circus.
