For as long as I can remember, my understanding of BDSM has been built on bits and pieces—reading fantasy books, hearing about other people’s experiences, and soaking up fragments of stories.
I’ve always had a vague, surface-level understanding of it—like knowing the general “yays” and “nays,” the do’s and don’ts. But these were just the basics, not the in-depth knowledge that could truly guide me through the world of BDSM in a safe, informed way. It’s like looking through a window, but never stepping inside to truly experience it for myself.
Looking back, I realize I put myself in a disadvantaged position by not fully comprehending the core elements of BDSM. There was a time when I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, simply because I didn’t know better.
For instance, it was only at a play party that I was introduced to the concept of negotiation when i witnessed and interaction between a Dom and his sub, and how they negotiated and went over safe words etc before the Dom began the play scene. Prior to that, I had never even heard of negotiating limits or discussing boundaries in-depth. In my past experiences, it was never something brought up by the Doms I was with, and I wasn’t aware of its importance. That moment made me realize how crucial these conversations are in any BDSM dynamic.
That realization has been a turning point for me. I knew then that I had to take control of my own learning and ensure that I never again found myself in a dynamic where the fundamental principles—like negotiation—were overlooked or where I was unaware of the basic mechanisms that make BDSM safe and consensual. I’m learning to empower myself to recognize these gaps and not accept anything less than a dynamic built on mutual respect, communication, and understanding.
So, I’m committing to learning about BDSM the right way—by studying it myself, from scratch. No more relying on bits of information from others; it’s time for me to become truly knowledgeable. I want to understand the core concepts of BDSM—not just from a surface level, but from the inside out. I’ll dive deep into consent, power exchange, negotiation, and the psychological aspects that make BDSM such a unique world. Most importantly, I want to be confident in my ability to engage safely and responsibly.
This journey isn’t just about satisfying my curiosity. It’s about gaining control, making informed decisions, and embracing the power that comes with true knowledge. I want to share this journey with you—every discovery, every challenge, and every breakthrough. I hope that by sharing what I learn, it might inspire someone else to take control of their own BDSM journey too.
So here is the break down of the syllabus I have put together for myself. If you think there is something I missed in my list that I should go over or even if it’s just a recommendations, suggestions or tips please free to leave it in the comments or private message me, they are more than welcome. 💕
Week 1: Foundations & Communication
History & Evolution of BDSM (Understanding where it all started)
- Origins of BDSM and its cultural significance
- How BDSM has evolved over time
- Misconceptions and myths about BDSM
- The role of media and fiction in shaping BDSM perceptions
Communication in BDSM (Check-ins, negotiation, and setting boundaries)
- Importance of open and honest communication
- Different ways to communicate in a BDSM dynamic
- How to have regular check-ins with a partner
- Setting and respecting boundaries
Week 2: Consent,Power Dynamics & Polyamory vs Monogamy
Consent & Negotiation (Covering SSC, RACK, PRICK, and enthusiastic consent)
- Defining Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC)
- Understanding Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)
- Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink (PRICK)
- Enthusiastic consent vs. assumed consent
- How to negotiate scenes and relationships
Types of D/s Dynamics (Exploring different power exchange relationships)
- Different types of dominants and submissives
- Full-time vs. part-time dynamics
- 24/7 lifestyle vs. bedroom-only dynamics
- Service submission, brats, pets, and other roles
Polyamory vs. Monogamy in BDSM
- How polyamory works in kink and BDSM
- Dynamics within polyamorous relationships in the context of BDSM
- Communication and boundaries in polyamorous dynamics
- The role of submissives and dominants in polyamorous relationships
- Managing multiple power dynamics in a polyamorous setup
- Sister/Brother subs and how they work
- Polyamory vs. monogamy: differences and challenges in BDSM relationships
Week 3: Structure & Protocols
Rules, Rituals, & Protocols (Understanding different levels of structure in dynamics)
- What are protocols, and how do they work?
- High-protocol vs. low-protocol relationships
- Rituals for submissives and dominants
- Creating rules that fit your dynamic
Punishments & Discipline (Exploring different methods and alternatives to punishment)
- Difference between punishment and funishment
- Types of discipline in BDSM
- Alternative discipline methods (not involving pain)
- Exploring your personal comfort level with punishment
Week 4: Kinks, Types of Play & Toys
Understanding Kinks & Fetishes
- What is a kink vs. a fetish?
- Common kinks and their appeal
- Exploring your kinks safely
Types of Play in BDSM
- Sensory play (deprivation, stimulation, temperature, etc.)
- Impact play (spanking, flogging, caning, etc.)
- Bondage and restraint play (shibari, cuffs, spreader bars, etc.)
- Psychological play (CNC, fear play, mindfuck, etc.)
Incorporating Toys into BDSM Play
- How to choose the right toys for your play style
- Safe use of BDSM toys (gags, restraints, vibrators, etc.)
- Cleaning and maintaining toys
Week 5: Psychological & Emotional AspectsSubmissive & Dominant Psychology (Mindsets, responsibilities, and expectations)
Submissive & Dominant Psychology (Mindsets, responsibilities, and expectations)
- Understanding the submissive mindset
- Understanding the dominant mindset
- The emotional highs and lows of power exchange
- Responsibility in BDSM relationships
Sadism & Masochism (Understanding the psychological and physical aspects)
- What it means to be a sadist or masochist
- The ethics of sadomasochism in BDSM
- How pain and pleasure interact
- Safe ways to explore S&M dynamics
Aftercare & Emotional Support (How to handle the emotional side of BDSM)
- Why aftercare is important
- Different types of aftercare (physical, emotional, psychological)
- How to communicate your aftercare needs
- How doms also need aftercare
Week 6: Exploration & Self-Discovery
Exploring Your Kinks & Limits (Figuring out what you actually enjoy)
- How to identify your kinks and turn-ons
- Soft vs. hard limits and how they can change
- Ways to safely experiment with new kinks
- How to use BDSM checklists and tests
Building Healthy BDSM Relationships (Finding safe partners and red flags to avoid)
- How to vet a potential BDSM partner
- Recognizing red flags and unsafe dynamics
- Finding community and mentors in BDSM
- How to build a dynamic that works for you
I’m excited for this next chapter, and I can’t wait to dive deeper, one lesson at a time.
Xoxo
N
