WEEK 1
Sunday: How do I feel in my body today?
Heavy. Like emotionally bloated, if that makes sense? I’m not in physical pain or anything, but my body feels... dense. My shoulders feel like they’ve been carrying something all week, and my jaw? Tight as hell. I catch myself clenching without realizing it. My stomach feels tight too...like it’s bracing for something even though nothing’s happening. That’s the part that confuses me... because on the surface, everything’s okay. But my body clearly doesn’t believe that.
I think I’ve been holding tension for so long that I don’t even notice when it creeps in anymore. It’s like my body is always on alert, expecting something to go wrong. And I’m tired of that. I want to feel safe me. I want softness to come back...not just emotionally, but physically. I want to wake up and feel light. Not disconnected or guarded. Just... here.
But I also get that it’s a process. So I’m not rushing it. Just naming it. Breathing through it. Giving myself credit for noticing. Because that’s where it starts, right? Noticing.
Monday: What emotions am I holding onto right now?
Whew. Where do I even start?(the beginning lol)
There’s definitely some resentment buried under my calm. I can feel it when I think about how certain people treated me and how I kept showing up for them anyway. And there’s shame too...not loud or obvious, but that quiet kind of shame that says things like, “Why didn’t you listen to your gut?” or “Why did you let that slide?”
I’m also holding fear. Not the kind that stops me from living, but the kind that makes me hold back emotionally. The fear of being too open again. Of getting vulnerable with the wrong person. Of doing all this inner work and still ending up in the same place I started. It’s exhausting. But I’m also holding hope. I don’t always admit it, but I am. Hope that maybe, this time, softness won’t get me hurt. That maybe I can create safety within instead of waiting for someone else to do it for me. That maybe I’m learning to protect my heart without having to lock it away.
So yeah, there’s a lot in here. But the fact that I’m feeling it, noticing it, and writing it out without sugarcoating it? That’s a win.
Tuesday: How do I define sensuality for myself?
Sensuality, for me, isn’t something performative. It’s not about being sexy or trying to “look” sensual. It’s when I’m fully in my body...tuned in. It’s when I put on lotion slowly and actually feel my own skin. It’s when I’m combing my hair with care instead of just rushing to get out the door. It’s when I let my hips sway to music in my room with no audience, no pressure, no choreography. Just me, being with me.
It’s softness. It’s presence. It’s knowing I don’t need to perform to feel it. I don’t need to be in someone else’s arms to feel wanted. I just need to slow down enough to notice how my body speaks to me. How it responds to warmth, to rhythm, to stillness. How it softens when I stop judging it.
It is so freeing to define sensuality for myself, about choosing it on my own terms, in my own timing, without apology. It reminds me that being in my body can be sacred, even if no one else is watching. Especially if no one else is watching.
Wednesday: What does sexual energy feel like in my body today?
Today? Mmm, it’s like background music...there, but low. Not buzzing. Not urgent. Just... humming quietly. It feels like warmth behind my ribs. Like my body’s reminding me I still have that fire, even if I’m not actively using it. And honestly, I kind of like that. I like that my sexuality doesn’t need to be this big, loud thing all the time. That it can be subtle. Slow. Private.
There used to be a time when I confused sexual energy with pressure. Like, if I felt it, I had to do something with it. Touch myself. Text someone. Find an outlet. But now? I just sit with it. Let it rise. Let it pass. Sometimes I breathe into it and smile, like “oh hey…you’re still here.” That, on its own, is powerful.
I don’t need to act on it to know it’s real. I don’t need it validated by someone else. Just feeling it...letting it move in me, without fear or shame...
Thursday: How can I honor my body today?
Honestly? By listening to it. Like really listening...not just when it’s screaming in pain or exhaustion, but when it whispers. When it says, “Hey, we need rest,” or “Please drink some water before that third cup of coffee.” I’ve ignored those whispers way too many times. Pushed through, smiled through, dressed up, showed up, performed....and meanwhile, my body was just trying to get my attention.
Today, honoring my body might look like staying in bed an extra 30 minutes. Or taking a longer shower. Or stretching my hips before bed. It might be choosing food that actually nourishes me, not just distracts me. It might mean not going out when my energy’s tapped...even if I feel guilty for saying no.
Sometimes, honoring my body means being gentle. Other times, it means being firm. But either way, it means not abandoning myself just to be liked, wanted, or productive. My body is not an afterthought. It’s home. And I’m trying...really trying...to treat it like one.
Friday: Am I fully present during intimacy? Why or why not?
If I’m being dead honest… not really. I want to be. I crave those moments of deep connection, where everything feels raw and real and nothing else matters. But most of the time, my brain is somewhere else. Watching myself. I wonder how I sound, how I look, what they’re thinking. Overanalyzing every touch. Too scared to speak up if I am not enjoying myself. And half the time, I’m so deep in my head that I miss the actual moment.
And I hate that. Because when I am present, when I do let myself be soft and vulnerable and messy, it feels like magic. But that takes trust. And that’s something I’m still rebuilding....not just with other people, but with myself, firstly.
I think I’m still learning how to feel safe in my own skin. To stop performing and start receiving. To breathe, instead of brace. But I’m working on it. Slowly. With intention. I want to get to a point where intimacy doesn’t feel like something I have to survive, but something I get to enjoy. Something I get to feel. Fully.
Saturday: What is one thing about my body that I love?
My smile. Hands down.
Not just because it’s cute (even though it is, okay?), but because it’s honest. When I smile for real...like laugh-out-loud, full-cheek, nose-wrinkled kind of smile...it feels like freedom. Like I’m not holding back. Like my softness is spilling out, even if just for a second. That smile has survived heartbreaks, breakdowns, disappointments, and still shows up. That smile has comforted friends, made babies giggle, and brought strangers into little moments of connection.
It’s proof that the soft version of me still exists. My smile is my rebellion. My reminder. My softness, loud and proud...So yeah. I love her.
Conclusion
This past week? It actually went better than I expected.
I started this four-week Tantra journaling challenge as a way to slow down and reconnect with myself...my body, my breath, my softness. Every day came with one question, and every answer helped me check in, reflect, and just be with whatever came up.
I didn’t go into it trying to fix anything, just trying to feel again. And honestly? I’m excited. Week One felt good...gentle, honest, grounding. I’m curious to see what the next three weeks unfold.
Which question was your fav and what would your answer have been?
Xoxo
Nirvana