I saw something that completely broke my sense of safety in a space that was supposed to be safe. A “joke” was shared…one that made light of abuse and the movements that exist to bring justice to survivors. The immediate reaction was laughter. But I didn’t laugh. I couldn’t.
Because in what world is diminishing the impact of abuse considered funny? Or adding a sexual innuendo to abuse funny?
Especially amidst the current situation going on with the #Womanforchange movement and the work they are trying to do surrounding the issue of GBV. It is so stupid, inconsiderate and a bunch of more colourful adjectives I could use. It is beyond harmful. And no I will not tolerate that bullshit comment of it was “just a joke” or “It is not that serious” or “Learn how to take a joke”. I say to you the biggest most colourful FUCK YOU! It is because of such backward regressive thinking that our country and the world at large is in the dire state that is is. “Oh no it was just a cat call I didn’t mean it”….”It was just a joke I didn’t actually mean you look prettier on your back”…”Don’t take it seriously he was just playing around”. FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU to anyone who thinks making harmful comments will be less harmful because you slapped on the “IT’S JUST A JOKE” badge.
That kind of “humor” isn’t harmless. It carries weight…real, painful weight. It’s not some playful comment detached from reality. It’s a reminder. A flashback. It’s me sitting there feeling my chest tighten, realizing that for so many people, what destroyed me is punchline material.
That shit is not funny. I lived through it. And to take something that represents justice, survival, and the fight for change and turn it into a sexual joke…feels cruel, and is ignorance at its highest. It’s inconsiderate. It’s triggering on so many levels. Because it’s not just a joke.
This is people’s reality. People who wake up every day and try to keep living with what happened to them. People who blame themselves even though they know better. People who are still trying to heal. Turning that into “content” or kink humor isn’t edgy…it’s sickening.
And maybe that’s what hurts the most: realizing that not everyone gets it. That there are people who will laugh because they’ve never had to live through it. Maybe it’s not a big deal to them because they’ve never been abused. But you don’t have to experience it to know it’s wrong. You just have to have empathy to imagine what it feels like to have your trauma reduced to entertainment.
It’s harmful. It’s damaging. And it’s a reminder that there’s still such a long way to go…for me, for us as women, for this country, for the world.
Because jokes like that don’t happen in isolation. They come from the same mindset that says, “It’s not that bad,” or “Don’t be so sensitive,” or “She must have wanted it.” They come from the same place that blames victims, that excuses harm, that protects comfort instead of acknowledging pain.
Take me for example… what others saw as a harmless joke took me back to the worst parts of my life. It made me feel like I was reliving it. Like I was back in that place of being doubted, disbelieved, blamed. That’s what these jokes do. They reopen wounds. They whisper that maybe it was your fault. That maybe you should have been quieter.
What frustrates me deeply is that if this had been a joke about animal cruelty, no one would have laughed. Everyone would’ve spoken up, said it was inappropriate. So why do animals deserve more compassion than human survivors? Why are our stories, our bodies, our pain, treated as less sacred? Why are our efforts to get justice and make a change turned into sexual jokes?
What makes it worse is how it confirms something I’ve always believed: kink doesn’t exist in a bubble. You can’t say that certain topics are excluded from kink spaces, and then laugh at a joke that makes fun of sexual abuse movements. You can’t pick and choose when empathy applies. You can’t claim to understand consent and still find actual abuse funny.
That’s why I say there’s a moral line… a bold one…that we cannot cross. Kink might explore dark or taboo things, but there is a difference between engaging with darkness consciously and mocking it carelessly. You can play with the shadow without becoming it. But joking about sexual assault? That crosses that line.
Because kink may borrow from real-life harm, but it does so with consent, intention, and awareness. Humor like this does the opposite…it strips away the gravity, turns pain into punchline, and leaves survivors to sit in silence again.
Just because something is said in a kinky space doesn’t make it less serious. It doesn’t take away its weight. The context doesn’t erase the harm. And that’s what I wish people would understand…that our healing doesn’t end just because others are comfortable enough to laugh. That survivors deserve spaces where empathy isn’t optional.
So no, it’s not just a joke. It never was. It’s a reminder of how far we still have to go and how easily people forget that behind every “funny” comment, there are real lives, real scars, and real hearts trying to heal.
Nirvana