Doubtful of my decisions, choices, auras, beliefs, hobbies ... everything about me.
I am known to have phases of curiosity, like the kitty that I identify with.
Phases like the moon, let me list just a few ...
Ornithology, zoology, dentistry, chemistry, demonology, magic, acting, singing, holistic medicine, medical botany, history, botanics in beauty, and so much more.
Please don’t mistaken when I have used the term “phase,” it definitely doesn’t suggest that I did not find that curiosity inside of me, or that I have not learned anything. On the contrary, it has broadened my knowledge about so much. However, I have NOTHING that I am TRULY passionate about. I like a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
When I have thought that I have found something I knew I have loved, now I’m doubting this lifestyle. Is it for me? Was it ever for me? Was/is it a phase?
I identified as a submissive since my late teenage years in high school. I knew I wanted a man that felt like a man, no offense to anyone out there, but being the man for me is a vibe or aura if you will that makes me NATURALLY submit. Unfortunately, its like looking for a needle in a haystack. You have to go through so many to find one or two.
I have made so many friends here, a few doms here and there owned me, some lied, some played for a bit and vanished, some that I still talk to.
Only two that I naturally submitted to them as their aura is pure dominance. Allowed my pride to bow down.
The one thing I lacked in ALL of my relationships was a sense of security. Yes, it was there initially, but it didn’t take long before it vanished. Reasons vary, some is pure and non malicious, however, some were down right liars and cheaters.
Not to sound like a child although I identify as a Little BUT I like being my in a relationship as well as a D/s dynamic, I want a long term relationship that consists of kink, trust, love, honesty, security and stability. Did I mention Kink? Some can provide that but I cannot submit, however I am able to submit to those that cannot provide that.
I feel hopeless to find that person, I was ready to leave my whole life and family behind for one Dom here after being owned for a few months only to find out he had a live in sub For two years and just had a baby 😄 ... him and I were strictly Ddlg ... I was shattered.
And I have been spiraling down since, in trusting other Doms. Or any potential love interest.
Which makes me think and doubt my compatibility with this lifestyle. Is it a phase of disappointment? Or a phase of offering submission? Am I even a submissive? Am I not good enough to be put as a priority and to find all of what I seek? Yes, I am asking for a lot but I know they’re out there...
or not?
