I have always been a girl who was very independent, however, craved control. Craved control both ways but within different aspects of my life.
I craved control in my career. Knowing I am training new hires to be the best, making sure everything was done perfectly, not necassarily to meet my OCD standards, but at least halfway. I craved to take control because it's easier than explaining your needs such as help with homework, work or life. Never been the one to ask for help.
I also knew that I was extremely emotional, and wanted to be emotionally controlled knowing my man is there and that I don't have to control him or my emotions because he is going to always take care of my mental well-being and that includes emotions. I wanted him to control me and my love for him.
How?
By knowing me and making me love him more with everyday that passes. I kept my heart buried and was called cold hearted. I refused to allow someone or something to control it, I remained distracted with work, school, and family.
I got to a point in my life where I figured how kinky I am, knew I will be in need. But refused to show my emotions. I refused to allow my family to be right, when they said that I shall need to find someone. That I will be in control of someone else.
It was something that made me hate myself and everyone around me. Made me hide behind being a "feminist," not to say that me being a feminist wasn't there since childhood. However, I am a brat by nature, a "no" means a "yes," therefore, when I were told that I can't do something because I'm a girl, it made me want to do it. However, I took the term and ideas of feminism to an extreme to hide my vulnerability from everyone.
I knew I was a submissive. I wanted it all to be out for the right person. Please him, serve him, make him proud of me and trust me. Never found that person.
When I would think that I have found a person, I discover that something happens from his end or my mine. Usually something holds me back. Maybe my intuition. I would just know that it will not continue.
However, I have developed visions that correlate with certain terms, after all of my experience, so far.
I still think what I envision when I hear or read the following terms are beautiful protraits, as I see my reflection within them blended smoothly.
However, the blend of the three visions are mixed thoroughly it is almost impossible to isolate me in any of the visions individually. I am the blend of the three ... a Feminist Submissive.
The terms and visions are the following,
A Feminist..
An independent woman that does not rely on a man, or anyone for that matter. She will not allow anyone, or anything to be an obstacle in her path. She will achieve every goal she wants. It can be exhausting due to those who aren't supportive of her efforts to acheive what men have achieved and more.
However, in a male-dominant society, being a feminist felt extremely powerful ... A feeling I would only imagine a Dominant would feel over his submissive. So satisfying to be in control, knowing you are able walk and stomp on everyone with your heels, yet don't. Knowing your trust in yourself will not fade. You will not let yourself down, nor those that rely on you.
Just how it should be between a Dominant and his submissive.
A Submissive .. (2 Visions)
1) A dependant woman, relying on her Dominant to build herself. She sits in front of him, vulnerable, timid, fragile, docile, a damsel in distress in need of a dominant's touch, her dominant to rescue her. She is in need of rescuing from her dark deep thoughts. Believing that she is not of value on her own. Has no limits.
No gag in her mouth, yet she is unable to speak and express her thoughts and emotions.
No cuffs on her wrists, yet she is unable to move her hands to write down her ideas.
No ropes on her body, yet she is unable to move a step forward.
The ball gag, cuffs, and ropes are only restraining her mind, keeping her obedient and relying solely on her Dominant.
2) A dependant woman, relying on her Dominant to build her tolerance. She sits in front of him, aware of her decision to become his submissive. Sitting in front of him vulnerable, docile, a damsel in distress in need of her dominant's touch and him to rescue her from her own desires and restraints.
Will only stop talking when a ball gag is placed.
Will use her hands until cuffed.
Will move until she is bound with ropes.
She enjoys it in the bedroom or behind closed doors, yet has limits.
