I have been losing my words, my thoughts, my mind
When one says such words, some assume that the individual has become a lunatic.
Well, I cannot say that I haven't thought that I have gone mad,
But until yesterday, so much started to make sense to me.
I have always been an oppressor,
A tyrant that hasn't oppressed anyone but for my soul, my body, me.
I have been one to give and not get back.
Never wanted to be the one who denies anyone's happiness.
But I have denied mine.
For years.
Denying my desires,
denying myself to be who I am, living in denial ... living a lie.
How?
I have denied allowing that kindle of flame within me to grow,
Not allowing my body to quench its thirst,
an unquenchable thirst for that "right person,"
Not to say I haven't found the "right person," maybe more than I expected,
however, none was alpha enough for me.
Desiccated,
Dehydrated,
Dying,
however, at times I allow myself for a sip here and there,
And within every sip, I get a jolt enough to ignite my fire again.
Desire burns within me,
Fire amongst my ribs, sensing the burn,
the smoke rising up,
clouding my eyes,
clouding my judgment,
an Inferno.
Being a burn victim,
with an unrecognizably burnt personality
is very complicated to handle
as I see the sympathy in other's eyes
and hear it in their voices,
Most know me in my dehydrated state
And some see the one with all the fire burning inside out
Insatiable, wanting more of an alpha, more of domination
but unable to be full or content with what I'm receiving.
I have a very independent and dominating personality
Strong enough to deny me,
I will have a hard time finding the "right person"
someone I can sense his control and love
All in a precise balance,
I am dominated, because my insides are telling me to submit, not for fun
I am loved, despite my internal scars due to previous burns and will not change.
Allow my fire to grow
as much as it wants
without being put out
to become an inferno
