She stopped by this weekend. I was working at an arts event, manning a table. She knew I would be there, of course, so it wasn't a surprise or random encounter.
It has been nearly a year. Seeing her was bittersweet. Her smile was as radiant as ever. Her warm, bubbly personality as sweet as ever. She even gave me a hug. We caught up on things. I told her what I had been working on, what I had been doing. Various art projects, hiking in the mountains, more mundane work-related stuff. She told me the same kind of stuff.
We'd gone out three or four times. By then I realized I had kind of a crush on her. A vanilla crush, much like a young school kid, longing for the times when I could just hold her hand, look into her eyes, kiss her, and hope for something more.
I always wonder what I did wrong, for her to break it off. She never told me. At the time, I only told her, "I hope it wasn't because of anything I said, or did." "Oh no...it isn't, It isn't that at all," she said, reassuringly. I don't remember any awkwardness, or any strange reactions to something I said, or certainly, no arguments or heated disagreements.
She was, of course, very vanilla, almost frigidly so, in spite of her warm, sweet personality. Although I longed to kiss her, and for it to lead to something more, I never got to. She just didn't seem to have the same passionate, romantic spark I felt. I certainly never let any of my "kinky" side show, and I wasn't about to. She was the one for whom I would bury those "kink" feelings forever, never to let them out, because I wanted nothing more than to be with her and enjoy her for who she was. So whatever it was that made her break it off, it wasn't anything like THAT. I certainly tried to do everything right, treat her like a queen, show her a good time, do all those things a gentleman is supposed to do when he takes a woman out, and I thought that I did. Where did I fail? Only she knows that, and when I saw her the other day, I didn't ask. I don't think it is really the right thing to do anyway.
But yet, it was good to see her. It really was. She looked good. Radiant, sweet. She was by herself and if she was seeing anyone else, she didn't mention it. I honestly wasn't expecting her to stop by, as I had thought it would be awkward but it wasn't. It was, however, bittersweet. I hope she finds happiness wherever and with whoever she goes.
Thanks for sticking around to read this, what probably sounds like some kind of junior high melodrama to most of you. I guess we never outgrow our need for romance.