I saw Her profile on an adult site. She was a professional of course, but I could at least pretend that I was in submission to one I loved.
She was beautiful of course. Tan and athletic, but also, intelligent, classy, well-travelled and worldly. Totally my type. Or, we could both pretend She was.
We missed connections at first. There was a misunderstanding, and I felt bad. Partly my fault, maybe partly hers too, but either way it was just some miscommunication, for which I really felt bad. I really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, bless Her heart, she gave me another chance, and I was extremely grateful.
That night, we met up, had drinks, and seemed to click. I told Her how I loved to have her take control, order me around, make me Her toy to dominate, abuse, use, spank, and humiliate. I also told Her how I wanted to make Her smile, feel good, feel warm, joyful, satisfied, and overall, empowered.
So later that night we hooked up. We got intimate, but I will spare you the details, because a gentleman does not kiss and tell, and a domme does not spank and tell.
I've seen Her three times. She is not local of course. I wish She was, but in the end, it would not matter either way. Each time, even though it seemed to satisfy the void of loneliness, and the need to submit, and to be intimate, it was only a temporary illusion. Because, a professional cannot satisfy the need to connect, to cherish and be cherished as a person, or the genuine warmth of love and true companionship.
I am only a business transaction to her. Easy money, sleazy money.
I can pretend otherwise, for a little while, submitting to Her feminine power, and lying to myself that the feeling is real. But only for a short time.
In the end, the transaction is over. Just another client, another day in the office for her. For me, she was all I want, all I have, but at the same time, all I do not have.
And the loneliness, and the emptiness returns.
