Steellover

DeathPagan​(dom male){Not Lookin} - Nah bro, you don't deserve that. Even if it's what you keep attracting to you, the fact that you don't like how it feels and can recognize the toxicity says a lot. You need to step back brother. Take some time for a reset. Take some time to love yourself, no matter how hard that might be.

Sweet Minx​(sub female){NotLooking} - Im sorry to read this but happy that you have recognized others selfishness and toxic behavior. You do deserve better. Only you can stop this cycle. Lock up your bank account and if anyone loses attention in you, they arent worth it. Let them go. Know your worth. We're here for you. ♡

Bunnie - *hugs*

Literate Lycan​(dom male) - Much like many others, you need an outlet and maybe a little affirmation, so blogging here is perfectly fine and probably necessary. At least the community gets it. I concur with DeathPagan above. Take a step back, a deep breath, reset and take care of you. Definitely evaluate what is drawing you back into the type of relationships that are not providing you what you actually desire and/or need. When you find a potential new partner, take your time and look out for red flags. As for your current relationship, have you mentioned this to her - how you feel? Does she realize she is doing this? And if she does and you are truly just a “bank”, do as SnowMinx indicates. Lock up the bank account and she will go away. But she is right - only you can stop this cycle. If you believe you deserve better, make it happen.

CageOwner​(dom male) - If you think you will reap hate for this post you underestimate this community. :-)

Personally I find this post very powerful. Also, sadly, I can very well relate to it (albeit from a male Dom) perspective. For too long I was in the same cycle, got involved with “partners” were I knew, suspected or found out the intentions were not “pure”.

The solution is as obvious as tough. Force yourself to find peace with being alone (without partner) for as long as it takes to find a TRUE partner. Refrain from when you know or suspect it’s not “pure” and run swiftly in cases you find out later.

It ain’t easy, and you might relapse (I did) but you can and eventually will succeed in breaking the cycle (I did).

Stay strong! 💪

Likeavirgin​(sub female) - I think many can understand this...thank you for it. Many hugs💜

Heero​(dom male) - I agree with the above.

And there is nothing wrong with this outlet.

I would say I think you should speak to someone you trust privately also, just to go through a play by play and hash things out properly. It's a difficult position to be in emotionally, and you may make some poor decisions and interpretations than cause unnecessary stress. Things are difficult enough already.

Power to you, and all the best.

DiamondHypnotist​(dom female) - Oh was this hard to read! I empathize with your pain and I hope you break free soon!
It feels like for every three dominant women who complain about male submissives, another two male submissives complain about women who are just trying to get money. So, as others have said, it's not just you. It's frustrating across the board!
I've thought about why this continues and doesn't seem to change. I feel like you've touched on the answer to that in the way you describe being drawn to a certain type.

These women know what (most) men want -- what they want to see and hear, the way they want to be talked to, what pictures to send... generally, exactly how to string him along.

But deep down, I think some part of you knows its performative. A question I ask myself and other woman in leadership is, "Who are you without the male gaze?"
What do you think this person is really like when alone? Do you hear about vanilla life? Hobbies? Work frustrations? Scenes and sexy talk and kinky fun are only a small part of a full D/s relationship.

I hear you about not having a large, local scene but if you're paying women time and time again, perhaps you can save up and travel to one of the larger cons (Dark Odyssey organizes my favorite). Speak to people, attend the classes and mixers, come back again and before you know it, you'll have who play with you because they like you and it's fun.

Best of luck out there!