You sit and think about her when she's not there. Wondering what she's doing tonight, who she's with, if she's out with her friends, or home with her family.
You lay awake in bed, thinking about her, wishing you could share a space with her, but it's way beyond just sleazy sexual fantasies.
You dream about watching the sunset in the hills with her, cuddling with her on the couch watching a corny romantic movie, sitting with her by the fire, taking her to your special places you like to escape to: The rock by the creek with the strange carving. That lake up in the mountains you hike to. That hot spring pool- except there aren't a ton of other people already packed in like sardines (like there always seems to be these days when you try going to natural hot springs pools.)
To you, she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, even though other people might not think so.
I saw her again the other day, at the hair salon. I still got butterflies, even though I'm a grown man who should have all the confidence in the world. I know some of her story; she is divorced, has three kids and already one grand kid. We do have a lot of the same interests. She gives really good haircuts, too.
I don't know all of her story though. I don't know if she has some guy in her life already. She may well already have, though she has not mentioned it. If so, I hope that whoever he is, realizes how special she is and how lucky he is to be with someone so amazing, beautiful and fun.
But then again, I've been down this road before. The rational part of me realizes I'm too old for schoolboy crushes. It almost never works out the way you want it to, and when you do get rejected, because you've let it build up so much, it hurts far more than when you casually meet someone you don't know all that well, and ask her out right away. So it's foolish, at my age to have thoughts like this about someone, to put them on a pedestal like this. Hopefully I will meet someone else soon, who will make me forget about Her.
Geez, I'm sounding like an angsty 14 year old kid here. "Stop it!" says a wise therapist. "Grow up!" "Yeah, You're right," I reply.
So, I'll talk about something else: Big music festival happening here next week.
Tons of bands, but most of them are relatively unknown. Well, there is one band I like, and I'd drop a youtube link here if I could but I'm not sure thats allowed if youre not a premium member. They're called "Place to Bury Strangers," so check em out. But that's one band out of four hundred. It costs like 150 dollars for a one day pass and like 500 for the whole five day festival, but to make it worthwhile you have to spend most of the five days wandering around watching bands, which can be pretty tiring, especially if you aren't familiar with most of the bands. How do you know which ones are good and which ones are boring? Maybe I'll spend the next five days checking all the festival bands on youtube, and then put together a list for when I drop the $500 for the festival. Or, just wait until Place to Bury Strangers goes on tour by themselves, and go see em then.
