Rose's Thorns.

I am finding some things difficult and after speaking to one or two of you alone decided to share this publicially on here. I am struggling with the concept of being in a relationship. BDSM wise is fine, its the relationship part thats hard.... and yes i know BDSM can be a realationahip they are not seperate just bare with me... I have chronic health issues (you wouldnt know it to look at me) but i am unwell at times. Now i am missing the submissive side of me and i have a hole in my chest with not engageing in this lifestyle... but i am also not engageing in relationships either. I have Zero idea how to communicate my issues with someone, and actually get the point across. Its easy to say well its fine. No i need it to be taken seriously, im not saying this will happen but whoever i am with could see me fade away, thats a difficult thing to see when its your partner. I have seen this take hold of my last Dom and destroy him inside. It was brutal for both of us. I am not sure to go about a friends with benifit style where they are aware but the impact would be less server for them personally. As much as i hate to admit this i want a relationship i want to feel that closeness with someone again, im missing it. Yet i cant stand the idea of hurting someone like i will if they choose to spend time with me, i will waste away at some point. I have seen what that does to someone and how it can slowly destory a Dom, i cant do that again. And this is the essance of being mentally and emotinally masochistic..... im suck between a rock and a hard place, any advice would be apreiciated.