Being restless sucks. I know what the issue is, seriously doubt anyone else will get it....
It has impacts in ways others don't understand.
Making shit as difficult as you possibly can.
Masochistic becomes the norm.
Waiting months to see the dr intentionally cos it beeping hurts and its the only sensation you had in weeks.
Getting annoyed and irritated at the slightest thing.
Being a pain in the ass to friends and family.
Not agreeing on shit when i should again pissing others off.
Its gotten to the point i aimlessly wonder around for walks when i can.
..... seriously need to punch or box something.
The alternative would be awesome but not a possibility in the slightest.
To my ex where ever you are.... i hate that you could a, read my body as well as you could and b, knew exactly what to do with it...
Seriously guys out there can you do some reading research and maybe talk to a friend who is very familiar with the area or just women in general.
I give up now ... thats it .... regardless of bdsm or vanilla.
No i don't like porn
No i don't like being insulted
No its painful im not having fun or enjoying it.
But god forbid i tell you any of that.
Bottom line i miss trusting someone that much, literally putting my life in someone else's hands. Having someone else to give there perspective on things and offer ideas that i could accept or reject. Someone i trust to bind me, hold me and help me escape.
No it didn't go well at the end. If i was in a life death situation... who would i still contact? I hate that its still him. Sucks.
Literally the only stable person i ever knew, even with the screams at night. X
