I have had this asked of me a few times recently.
I have you ever had to kill the joy inside you? I have. Repeatedly. It doesn't leave an easy impression. Especially when the cause of it is still around. Screamed at for being happy or excited. To this day people look at me odd when i don't react to good news.
Hence the nickname thorny. There is a reason for this, if you can't handle thorny then there is no way in hell you can manage my family.
There will come a point i will have to choose, there will always be a point that happens and i will have to walk away from family. If i am with someone who doesn't understand this or tries to win them over honestly you will get steam rolled.
The last guy offered me a kidney during organ failure (fortunately it wasn't needed) a few years later we needed help to move.... nothing except 'go and ask his parents'. It genuinely wouldn't surprise me if my mum on some level has sociopathic tendencies. This guy fucked his degree up looking after me, she kept ringing me telling me to throw him out... i kept the roof over his head while he finished his masters and got his first job. Jesus the phone calls were hell.
i left home at 19 on the bus with all my belongings in bin bags. Meanwhile having messages of why i had left stuff at my mums house as she thought i was moving out and needed the room. Everything that wasn't essential was thrown away. There is only so much you can carry. A suitcase massive handbag and a few bin bags. I suspect i am going to have to do something similar soon. Thing is im 30 not 19 now.
I went up at Christmas to 'im sorry i didn't have time to sort the room out'. The spare room has mold and a broken bed, this was covered with all the Christmas decorations she had pulled down and decided not to use. That was my first Christmas after i split with my ex. As soon as i walked in the door she whispered in my ear 'not to worry because is her fault' with an odd smile on her face in a mocking tone, i hadn't long split with my ex and if i could drive i would have left. No one else heard and its a little fuck you i own you because you can't do shit. I haven't been for Christmas since.
there was no help when we were together as soon as we split... all the help in the world. Thing is it's not help there is a price for it and it fucks with your head. I have been trying to claw my way out ever since. If i am with someone they need to realise the cost and never be in a position to go near them.
I could only get a flat with her as a guarantor if there was a spare room for when family 'visit' in 3 years my mum has been twice and the last time i kicked her out. The aim is to keep me under their thumb. No other family members have been down but i get endlessly guilt triped for not visiting despite the fact im the only one who doesn't drive.
During my dissertation i was told no one expected me to pass. So ... they basically wanted me to fail and go crawling back. There are very stressful times trying to get the work done these happen to be very opertunistic. Such as finding out my mum never had sole custody instead she spent years fucking my head over to keep me away from him and no my dad isn't a saint either. I basically have grown ass children for parents which i find challenging never mind someone else. You will get told shit at the worst point possible. It then magically disappears once your stressful event is finished. Honestly the best escape is work. Unless you're boss is wired the same way.
I finished my course... no well done or congratulations but i did have a lot of opertunistic fucking over. My mum going 'oh why don't you come back its safe up here now' i find out two months later she joined a committee that destroys professionals and strips your title. So ... what was meant by safe was i can fuck you over. Just take a moment and think of the planning and how long it took for her to manoeuvre into this position because it wasn't anything close to what she was doing.
While at uni she had to do her masters despite my younger brother struggling to get through gcse 'he will be fine he will sort it out'. He can barely read and write. But she had to beat me that was the important thing and for those thinking there is a limit there isn't. Ive seen what she has done to my dad who was made homeless for ten years.
I now have belittling and humiliating messages about the fact i can't drive because 'i didn't realise it was important' of course i did every time i got somewhere with it the rug was pulled from underneath me.
When i met the guy above i had very little contact. I am trying to get to the same point. So when someone asks why im single.....
Unless you want the parent in law from hell.
And it is hell. Turns out the Dom above knew i had been lied to about custody i only worked it out around this past year. She still can't comprehend what she did wrong.
God only knows how she would react if i found a husband. Poor fucking husband.
