Ev's kink corner

So, I am a student of Japanese Tea Ceremony, Omotesenke school, to be exact. 

As such, I drink ceremonial grade matcha, prepared traditionally in a tea bowl with a whisk. It is the finest tea leaves, exposed to the least amount of sunlight, so it has as little bitterness as possible. It is plucked from the very top branches, only the first couple leaves. From there, the leaves are steamed, dried, and ground into a fine, talcum-like powder. This is used to make koicha, which is a thick tea the consistency of warm honey, without the stickiness. It is nothing like the tincture one drinks from a steeped tea bag- the leaves, themselves, are consumed. It is very intense.

Today, I practiced, for the first time, making a single bowl of thick tea for 5 people. This involved 15 grams of powdered tea leaves, as each serving of thick tea is approximately 3 grams of tea. I used some matcha that was for sure on the old side, but still safe to consume. I didn't want to fuck up really good, fresh tea.

The monstrousity I produced was not good tea. there were a couple of chunks in it. I used a bit too much water in the first pour, as one is meant to make a ganache as the leaf particles slowly absorb the water, kneading the tea until it is glossy and pulls on the whisk. Then, one adds more water, just enough that it pours into your mouth when you tilt the bowl, albeit a bit slowly. It's not meant to have chunks. The tea was for sure on the old side, too.

Still, I'm poor, and I have that guilty kind of "you can't waste that" feeling, especially since true ceremonial grade matcha from Japan (in a tin, and never from China, where the soil on tea plantations for matcha is often contaminated with lead,) is quite expensive. Therefore, I drank it all. All of it. All 15 grams. The glaze of tea left in the bowl? I turned that into usucha, which is thin tea. It all went into my body. 

After, I did two loads of laundry, did the dishes, and wrote a speech. Now? Now my stomach hurts, but I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME. I am buzzing about like a fucking bumblebee. My crippled ass is flying. I climbed on my mate. I mildly frightened the cats. I ate a low carb brownie, forgetting that I made it with coffee.

I can fold space. I have become a Bene Gesserit witch. My eyes are glowing, not blue, but green. The matcha mush flow. I have seen all that was, all that is, and all that may yet come to pass. Look upon my works, o mortals, for all shall love me and DESPAIR.

Not sure how to get off ceiling, please send help. 

I got dragged really hard by some people Elseweb where one can write Fet type things, by certain people. 

Not long after that, though? I think the reason why became pretty damned clear. 

I, unfortunately, take no pleasure in saying "I told you so." 

I really need a partner I can speak to openly about such things without it becoming a battle. 

I, unfortunately, feel like I need to start asking certain questions really early on, when considering getting involved with someone, before I am at risk of catching feels. Questions like:

1. Do you vaccinate?

2. What conspiracy theories do you believe in, if any?

3. Do you think higher education is a good thing?

4. Is diversity good? Should ethnicities and cultures mix?

5. Are you cool with trans people?

6. Do you believe cis women are capable of rational thought, and can make decisions based on critical thinking?

7. Do you think the vast majority of scientists and/or medical professionals are a part of a conspiracy of lies meant to control you?

8. Does enjoying freedom as a member of a society also come with responsibilties to your fellow humans?

9. Is might always right?

10. Do you think you are a shitty person, and if so, are you genuinely working hard to become not shitty?

11. Can you feel empathy and compassion for people you don't know?

Yeah so I just got dumped by my secondary (and dom) over discord, over the Covid-19 vaccine. I am immunocompromised and must depend on herd immunity to keep me safe from the virus. Nope, not OK.

So, I'm not here to talk about the plot. The plot is interesting to me, but that's not what has me so moved and amazed by STD

.
I believe that this series embodies the spirit of Gene Roddenberry's vision like Star Trek has not in a very, very long time.

Two of the main characters of the show are gay, and in a relationship. No one makes a big deal out of it, because it is normal. No one views it as bad, unnatural, or a threat. It simply is. People bond. People fall in love. People bicker over tiny things that can get annoying in a long-term relationship. People reach out unconsciously for comfort from one another, and communicate in many ways. The humanity of Star Trek doesn't even think about the fact that they are gay. They have done the work. They have confronted harmful cultural programming long ago, and left it behind.

The latest episode included a character who was a young transman. His being trans is never mentioned. It is not the reason he is in the episode. It simply is. It isn't hidden, and it isn't trotted out. No speeches or sermons need to be made, because it is normal. Humanity has done the work. They have come to understand that everyone's journey is their own, and even if we cannot understand it based on our own personal experience, their experience is not a threat to us. Who they discover that they are is not a threat to us. It is simply the person they are. His pronouns are used naturally. His existence is natural and normal, a part of reality. There is nothing to fight.

Humans are gregarious creatures, and, especially in times of stress, being touch-starved can be devastating for most of us. In Discovery, the grew often express platonic physical affection. A reassuring touch. A hand-squeeze. A moment of contact. Not just glances and smiles, but physical connection. This isn't weird. Humanity has done the work. It is healthy. It is shown as something that has developed over time, with consent, but a normal part of a group of people working together, depending on one another.

There is a scene where a character who is accustomed to being in a position of authority seeks understanding and de-escalation, rather than coercion, in a combative situation. She says, "I need you to understand- I am not fighting you. You are fighting me." She works to forge a connection, a moment of understanding, with the person who is attacking her, recognizing that he is in a state of fight or flight, being controlled by fear, and that the solution is to soothe the fear and no longer be the threat of the unknown. If she has the power to beat him down, she knows that she also has the power not do so. No one has to die. No one has to be humiliated, or have their spirit broken. It is much harder to hate a person when you understand them, and see them as a person. The people of Starfleet know this. They have done the work.

Humanity in the universe of Discovery, flawed as it is, has cultivated an optimistic spirit of curiosity, embracing diversity, respecting differences whilst seeking commonality. Seeking understanding instead of reverting to xenophobia.

Though it may feel as though we are looking out from the dark mirror universe, what we truly see here is a vision of one potential future: this is humanity as it could be. This is the humanity we could be if we chose empathy over fear, compassion over apathy, love over anger. This is the humanity we could be if we accepted that we can be flawed and make bad decisions, but commit to being honest with ourselves about our personal responsibility when we do so, and to learning from them so we can overcome and do better. This is the humanity we could be if we balanced our rational minds with our passionate hearts. To truly grow as a species, as sentient beings, we must accept and embrace the whole of what we are. We must do our best to understand, to learn, to apply critical thinking to the way we view the world, but we also must have empathy, caring, love, and compassion, to guide us towards choices that benefit us all, and make our world a better place. This is humanity approaching the world with, if I might paraphrase Carl Sagan for a moment, equal parts of skepticism and wonder.

And perhaps, some day, other worlds as well.

Oh, my doves.

Why do you lie? Why, when trying to get together with someone, do you try to deceive them? What kind of foundation is that for a relationship? Hell, what kind of foundation is that for a one night stand? And why, oh, why, do you lie when it's so demonstrably OBVIOUS that you are lying? Do you think that it will get you anywhere?

I wonder, sometimes, if some of you, as children, drew all over the walls at home, and when your parents confronted you with your misdeed, you said, "I didn't do it!"

"Well, who did it, then, the dog? Did someone break into the house and do it?" they might have asked.

"I don't know! It was somebody else!" There were marker stains on your hands, and no other children lived there, but then... did... did your parents decide you were telling the truth? Did they say, "gosh, well, he said he didn't do it! It MUST have been the dog" and go punish the dog, or like, fill out a police report of breaking and entering toddlers?

I just... what's your endgame? How did you grow up like this?

My profile has entire-ass paragraphs. I'm looking for long term partners, and I truly do not believe it is too much to ask to read the whole "about me" section. It's incredibly rare for people who message me on here to actually do so. That, in and of itself, is pretty sad, but what's REALLY sad is when I ask someone if they HAVE read it, and they claim to have... but it is clear that they haven't.

There are specific instructions in my profile. A policy my Master and I have, and my own version of, I suppose, a human-oriented catchpa. "Are you a serious lifestyler, or are you a horny net guy who is just casting a wide net with form letters, trawling for pussy?"

Most people fail that catchpa pretty spectacularly. It isn't even hard to follow the directions. So, when they tell me, "I have read your entire profile," and they haven't followed the directions, it tells me one of two things:

1. They are a liar, and I cannot trust them. If they are going to lie about something as simple as this, I can't trust that they won't lie about their sexual practices, or actual experience in the lifestyle, or any number of things that are vital to my safety,

*or*

2. They DID read it, but have no respect for boundaries, and will try to trample over mine, thinking themselves an exception, for some reason, because of their Big Magical Dom Dick Energy, I guess? They don't think the rules apply to them. I cannot trust them to honor a safeword, not stealth me, or respect the boundaries of my relationships.

Congratulations, bro, you just played yourself.

Look, if you don't know something? BE HONEST. Nobody knows everything. It's ok! Maybe it'll mean we aren't compatible. That's ok! Better to find out now than have a disaster later because you were dishonest, ruining your reputation, and maybe lives, in the process, right?

If you didn't do something, BE HONEST. "No, sorry, looking at your tiddies got me excited, and I decided to message you, but I didn't read your profile. I'll do so now." Wow, see? Owning up to it, that shows you are responsible and willing to fix things, willing to work with someone and recognize that something is important to them. MASSIVE bonus points for then coming back with messaging my partner, and passing the catchpa.

Just, listen. Stop lying. I'm not your over-indulgent momma. I'm not gonna take your shit. I'm a sub, but I'm not YOUR sub, and I'm no-one's doormat. I wouldn't stay with a dom who was a liar, and I won't get together with one, either.

Be a responsible adult. Now, THAT'S sexy.

Being poly or mono isn't determined by your gender.

Getting top drop or not isn't determined by your gender.

Being dominant or submissive or a switch or a puppy or whatever isn't determined by your gender.

I...

Where are people even getting these ideas from? Seriously.

On July 1st, my Master piled into his car, also filled up with stuff, while my best friend/life partner, my two cats, and I, piled into my car. We began our long journey across the entire country to start our new lives in Syracuse, NY.

It was grueling and hard, but we made it! We made it, and it is so beautiful here- at least, what we've seen of it. We've also been hit hard by the heat wave, which overpowered the central air on day 3.

It's quite surreal, being in a totally new city that none of us had set eyes on before, other than via google street view. We only know one person here. So much is still shut because of the pandemic. We are living in strange and difficult times, but I really look forward to exploring my new home, and meeting new people.

I keenly miss those I left behind, however, including my tea sensei and an amazing dom. 

In just a few more days, Master, my beloved best friend, and I, are going to drive across the country with two cats and heavily-stuffed cars. 2,776 miles in 5 days!

Thanks to an amazing community of beloved friends, our pod is loaded and on its way to the new house. The house here is partially cleaned, and what is left, we will manage. We are going to do our best to get it as clean as possible for our wonderful landlord, who has become family over the years. 

Tomorrow, Got Junk is coming. I'm worried that it is going to cost us something insane like $1,400, because we just have so much stuff we need them to haul. We will find a way, though. Our window to get our financial ducks in a row will be significantly smaller, but still, we will do our best to survive, and hopefully, in time, thrive. 

No turning back now! We are doing this. Holy shit! 

I am devastated.

I am also a little excited.

See, we are losing our home, and we have, unfortunately, come to the conclusion that despite our best efforts, we cannot possibly afford to remain in the bay area.

I love it here. This is my home. I have lived here my entire adult life. I have numerous communities here. I have beloved friends, chosen family, lovers, and an amazing tea ceremony mentor here. I love the culture. I love the food. I love Wicked Grounds, I love our scene, I love the redwoods, and I love Stanford hospital. I get the medications I need, here.

It's gonna really hurt, and I'm scared that things won't work out wherever we move to. I'm worried that we won't fit in. I'm worried that I will be lonely and sad.

However!

We are looking at Syracuse, NY. The housing there is so cheap compared to here that we could finally afford a house that we wouldn't have to share with housemates. We could live our lifestyle full time, if we wanted. We wouldn't have to live in fear of losing out home at any moment. We could maybe even save money. Buy some nice furniture. Have enough room in the fridge, at last. Bring out the nice cooking supplies and dishware. Have a LIVING ROOM. Not be pressed in on all sides by too many people sharing too little space.

We could host play parties, if we made good connections in the local kink community. We could exercise in a real back yard! My autoimmune disease is still here, and that would be a long trip to a qualified hospital, but on the plus side, NYC is a little over 4 hours away, so we'd get to visit that at least a few times a year, and I do have a number of friends there.

There is someone there. I really, really, really hope things work out with him, too. I'm feeling pretty gun-shy. I've had my trust betrayed a lot. I've been ghosted a lot. I've had people talk a big talk and then drop me after playing with me once. I've had a lot of people promise one thing and deliver another, but... if it works out with this guy, then I will be a very happy sub, I think.

I want to be able to be the creature that I really am, as much of the time as possible.

So.

Since the bay area is now actively hostile to the poor and disabled, since we don't make six figures and are no longer welcome here, we will forge ahead and try to build a new life for ourselves.

Here's to a future that moves beyond surviving to actually living, and thriving!

If, that is, we survive the pandemic.