Have you ever felt the clouds and darkness creeping up on you... knowing you can find light but not having the strength to run anymore? One thing after another either failing or leaving you in a worse place than before?
Maybe tomorrow will be better but today I'm feeling suffocated by my demons doubts and darkness...
😞 It's like the nothing in the neverending story.......
Depression and constant pain leave me exhausted throughout my day and unable to sleep at night ...
A handful of medication does little to loosen the invisible chains that weigh me down...
The Phoenix longs for the skies while she flutters on the ground unable to remove these invisible chains that bind her glorious wings...
The stress of being a mom, wife, student, and temporarily not working full time presses down on my shoulders until I'm afraid they will break...
But every day I get out of bed and do the best I am able to complete my tasks and be the best I can because I know sir will be pleased with me for not giving up... he shares my load when I think it's going to break me and carries me when my legs can no longer support me...his pleasure is my light at the end of a dark tunnel...
He has helped me save myself....
As the winds of change buffet her from all sides, the Phoenix struggles to stay afloat.
Between the stress of being hurt, missing work, taking care of a disabled husband, juggling appointments and trying to raise her child the weight of the world balances on her shoulders...
But no matter the strength of the wind, the sting of rain or hail, heat or cold, the Phoenix will prevail... knowing she is safe in Sirs warm embrace his strength sheltering her from the elements giving her time to regain her strength.
He cares for her as she cares for her new sub.. spreading her wings as she adjusts to her new position as a domme. She revels in taking care of her sweet pet...who knew she had it in her?
I have always identified as a sub. There's never been any doubt in my mind that's what I am. With that being said I'm exploring and questioning my feelings about all kinds of options, what kinks I like, it's an evolving process that's scary, exciting, and unexpected.
I never had a desire to be a domme however, since meeting a new person who is a Dom in his day life but has many submissive tendencies I have been curious as to how I would feel about it.
After much deliberation and discussion we decided to see if it would be enjoyable for the both of us. OMG...I have found a side of me that I never knew existed and I feel comfortable with it.
Never be afraid to try something new, you just might surprise yourself! Not sure I'm ready to identify as a switch just yet though... we'll see what the future holds.
Having the same song stuck in your head for a week and all you can remember is 15 seconds of it....worst torture ever!!!
Why can I meet a Dom and have a beautiful conversation only to be blocked after sending pictures of myself? The answer is simple...I am a large woman who has scars from surgeries that make my body shape horrible.... something that I have struggled with for years. Even though I work on it constantly I have yet to find something that gets and keeps the weight off 😢. Maybe someday that will change...
I am coming to realize that changing Dom's is like changing seasons...each one has amazing aspects of it and you hate to see the last one go.
I was upset when my last dynamic ended but have since found my wonderful Sir who lifts me up daily and helps with my Masters program...
Everything happens for a reason....
Why is it so hard to find someone you have chemistry with that also understands your life and can adapt to something that works for everyone involved?
I'm feeling very discouraged right now...
So not only did Master and I part ways but remained friends, I get covid...then 2 weeks later twist my knee and end up on workman's comp....never fails...I know sun will come back to my life someday and I'll find a new Dom who understands my life...
It is with a heavy heart that I find myself writing this...
People change, their needs always evolving. When one can't provide what the other needs what choice is there but to go your separate ways...I will always cherish Master and the time we spent together but it is time to find myself and to look within...