Sarah’s world

Wow! Feeling good..  might not last..  gonna enjoy for now..  

we have an ACCEPTED OFFER, wow that feels good.  No longer have to keep the house PERFECT and yet have been trained to do so and that feels great!!!

this is my SECOND divorce and I’m ok with that!  For a long time I wasn’t..  and with kids wow was it a hard choice..  and delayed by YEARS..  but Omgosh I feel so GOOD.. and it’s not bc he was BAD, he wasn’t, my husband/to be ex husband is lovely..  rather it’s bc it’s simply what I needed to FEEL ME.  

I am grateful.  this whole year until he left I never could find that feeling of certainty that what I was doing was RIGHT.  But now I do.. or usually do.. it’s sad and all that but..  I can feel ME and I NEEDED TO

we are moving from a house to an apartment and I’m so happy that I get to have a bedroom wow..  it’s a bit weird and long shaped room but I DONT CARE it will become my SAFE HAVEN..  I am so excited to decorate it for my creativity healing and meditation room.. I may choose to simply sleep on the floor.. and at times I may choose to sleep in the closet..  what I need is ok..  I am seeking a rainbow brite doll and other comfort items for myself..  

a little concerned to be in an apartment rather than a house bc I like and need to express LOUDLY daily.. screaming crying laying on the floor cuddling in a corner against the wall to feel SOMETHING..  

I will do my best to befriend my neighbors so they do not complain or send me to the psych ward lol..  

this process of moving is actually PHENOMENALLY healing in so many ways- my goodness, dare I say I was right??????  Right for me anyway..  one life to live, I shall live FULLY❤️

8. TO HAVE SOME PRETTY MARKS 

4. Have a friend

5. be able to sing really well, perform, want an audience

6. someone who can handle me when I am a hot mess and super resistant (NOT a brag just in severe emotional pain).  Ideas: lock me in a closet, tie me up and make me “go in”

7. A daddy who also does the isha system, is into consciousness and Teal

8. 

1. Raped in a forest.. smelling the earth.. feeling the rough bark of a tree..  the sharp branches 

2. forced to lay in a muddy ditch.. “put your face in the mud.. are you gonna leave the house dirty again?

3. Kneeling before Him trying to please Him, looking up and adoring Him and welcoming his sharp face slaps that make me see stars..

4. 

Today the sun doth rise after a day of horror.  Letting myself breathe.  Choosing love.  For me.  Funny how the ground can just open up.  I wanted a man to focus me, but I have come to it myself! WOW.  Still want the connection with my daddy DESPERATELY but he’s far away and in the hospital right now and it’s hard.  Thankyou to the person on here who didn’t try to initiate anything because I’m really already owned- I just forget- it’s really hard with my daddy in the hospital.  

From a low vibration, I would pay someone to love me. In a way I can feel. So much emotional pain can only be matched with physical pain.  I won’t let myself out.  There is a lot of stress, I can’t breathe.  I need SOMETHING very bad.  Get me out of here. Please.  Take me to sub space where I don’t have to feel this,I can’t break through.  Please, please, please, please, please. HELP. It’s in my face- I can’t have so much crashing up against me like this at once- family, selling a house, kids.  I have to feel something physically, I have to.  Rough rope, rough hands, being held down.