Sarah’s world

I wanna go under for DAYS

My ass is still beautifully black and blue but it’s from my hand and just NOT THE SAME.  I don’t even know what his hands look like.  

I’m not sure it’s about another.  Not sure I can connect to another.  Seems to be about a certain state.  A deep struggle to express and then a desperation to do so however whenever before I die.  I mean, it is my daddy I want but still.  He’s so far away and I’m left here.  Need to do my work.  Feel there sadness mounting.  

I just had the most beautiful experience.  I was wide open in my imagination taking my daddy back in time with me to help me.  OMG.  Very touched, so erotic.  I can taste him, I can feel his hand on my back.  He is holding the child me at the dinner table.  That kiss may be the best of my life and I haven’t even experienced it in person yet.  I am learning.  Very grateful for this portal that has opened up.  Almost didn’t make it. Daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy

my daddy sits with me on zoom and let’s me go in and go back in time and feel everything I need to feel. His presence is so healing. My pain was never seen and if I tried to express it it was ignored. But my daddy can be there with me and for me and now I am going to take him with me if he will come 

super grateful, so beautiful, a bit shaky and reluctant to move on with my day.. but my daddy also says I have to focus and do things and I’m glad bc I want to do well I want to DO BETTER I have more inside me to bring out and share with the world..  

❤️❤️❤️

I already have someone so I’m not actually asking -just want to be heard.

Will you please place kisses on my ankle with the burns?  Will you please spend some time there?

Silly romance dreams- like the novels sometimes quite gripping but always falling flat.

Unattached, I’m too free floating out in orbit

Fucking patterns always the same I’m not sure I can see my growth.

Had a thought to put the hairdryer in the tub (no worries never would..

He says it’s fine there’s no physical touch but it isn’t 

I need to be held I’m scared 

Tori fans?  This song is touching me today and many days actually

Giving love to me.. taking care of my pain.. soaking i the tub.. what a gift today 

Wanted to share a photo- how do you attach one here?

I mean last fall I was sleeping in a tent daily in our backyard.. and honestly I loved it but still..  a room of my own now wow.. it’s like I am a person who is deserving despite my sins hmmmm..  and to be done sleeping on the ugly brown couch that is too short.. how nice..  wow..  k I’m done need to clean my attic:) 

Wow! Feeling good..  might not last..  gonna enjoy for now..  

we have an ACCEPTED OFFER, wow that feels good.  No longer have to keep the house PERFECT and yet have been trained to do so and that feels great!!!

this is my SECOND divorce and I’m ok with that!  For a long time I wasn’t..  and with kids wow was it a hard choice..  and delayed by YEARS..  but Omgosh I feel so GOOD.. and it’s not bc he was BAD, he wasn’t, my husband/to be ex husband is lovely..  rather it’s bc it’s simply what I needed to FEEL ME.  

I am grateful.  this whole year until he left I never could find that feeling of certainty that what I was doing was RIGHT.  But now I do.. or usually do.. it’s sad and all that but..  I can feel ME and I NEEDED TO

we are moving from a house to an apartment and I’m so happy that I get to have a bedroom wow..  it’s a bit weird and long shaped room but I DONT CARE it will become my SAFE HAVEN..  I am so excited to decorate it for my creativity healing and meditation room.. I may choose to simply sleep on the floor.. and at times I may choose to sleep in the closet..  what I need is ok..  I am seeking a rainbow brite doll and other comfort items for myself..  

a little concerned to be in an apartment rather than a house bc I like and need to express LOUDLY daily.. screaming crying laying on the floor cuddling in a corner against the wall to feel SOMETHING..  

I will do my best to befriend my neighbors so they do not complain or send me to the psych ward lol..  

this process of moving is actually PHENOMENALLY healing in so many ways- my goodness, dare I say I was right??????  Right for me anyway..  one life to live, I shall live FULLY❤️